


i can't repent for something i meant

by newct127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Online Dating, And I'm bad at summaries, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Multiple, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Slice of Life, god I'm so bad at tagging, i might have to add tags later on, tinder said don't doubt me bitch here's your loml
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: In his new house in the city suburbs Taeil’s friends question him about his dating life.In a bakery a few blocks away Jisung and Chenle are on their break. They are bored, and they are tired of Hyuck’s attitude.By the end of each day, there are Tinder profiles for both Taeil and Hyuck.Hyuck, however, has no idea about it.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 58
Kudos: 154





	1. taeil

**Author's Note:**

> i was going to add a tinder subplot of my last fic and then i changed my mind because i thought it would make a good standalone. here’s that fic.  
> i’m in some kind of slump so this isn’t finished and i don’t know when it’ll be.
> 
> title from holy roller by cyn

The one reason that Taeil can give for deciding to move is that he felt like he was stuck in his old place, and he wanted to make a change. Surprisingly, out of everything he could potentially change, moving was the only thing that didn’t scare him. So that’s what he went with.

Then, when it came to making the decision about getting his own place, Taeil didn’t have too many demands. He wanted it to be a house. He didn’t care about the size, or number of rooms, for those things he was pretty flexible. What he demanded though was a house that didn’t need to be renovated and that had at least a hint of a yard around it. If there was a gate that could offer another layer of safety, even better. He expected the search to last at least a few months. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but he was picky. He managed to even surprise himself when he found the perfect place just a few weeks into his search. When the feeling of surprise faded away, what he had left was genuine excitement about starting a new chapter. His old place was where he went after escaping, he chose it out of necessity. The house, however, he chose it because it’s his dream place. It’s basically what he’s been liking and saving on Pinterest for the last few years.

The only bad thing about deciding to move on a whim and finding the perfect house for it just weeks later was that he couldn’t take time off work to properly move. So he had to rely on his friends for help. He’d been trying to rely on his friends for basic things more and more. He felt like he was bothering them sometimes simply because of how reliant on them he was back when he first got away. He wanted to move past that. Even with that in mind, this time he didn’t have that much choice. His friends don’t say no, but he’s not too surprised because at times he feels like they never do.

They put together furniture and arrange it, listening to music and chatting about god knows what, Taeil’s having a hard time following. But, it’s the calmest conversation he’s had with his friend in the last six months. A lot of the conversations he’s had with friends recently have revolved around his love life, and his friends urging him to move on. He appreciates that it doesn’t get brought up that night.

A week later, when he’s finished moving in, and everything is the way he wanted it to be, he invites them over for a party. Then, the conversation is a different story.

* * *

Taeil allowed himself to get used to his life being the way it is. He likes his life. There’s no drama or too much going on, which is basically a miracle compared to his past. He likes that it’s certain, that there’s a routine to it. He likes that he has control over it all, and he think it’s really smart that he keeps it that way. Why change something that works for him. His friends on the other hand seem to disagree.

They’ve been dropping hints for a few months now, the occasional question about whether or not he’s dating someone, and comments about how no man is an island, those were just the start. Then Ten started asking if Taeil would like to be set up, with Johnny urging him to agree. In recent weeks those suggestions and hints only became more frequent. The crescendo of it all happens during Taeil’s housewarming party, when most of them are there, and with everyone in their own spot, sipping on beer. Taeil’s on the floor, his legs crossed, but his body is relaxed. He feels so safe and unbothered that night. That’s why it has to come up then. You know what they say about too much of a good thing.

“Bud, we know you haven’t been the same since…” Johnny’s voice trails off as he glances over and Doyoung. Doyoung rolls his eyes. He insists that actually saying it would be quite therapeutic for everyone, but it’s like the thought of it scares Taeil and Johnny even more. It scares everyone. So instead of saying what actually happened, or mentioning any names, whenever it gets brought up in conversations it’s done by looking at Doyoung. Doyoung’s job is to work with people in situations like the one Taeil found himself in years back. Doyoung also knows that talking about it would help, and he’s the only one that actually does. The rest of them walk on eggshells around the subject.

“Just say it,” Doyoung attempts, the way he always does, but Johnny shushes him with just a hand gesture. Always the same thing.

“But you’ve been single for like four years, it’s time for you to get out there again. You got an entire house to yourself now. Start thinking about filling it in. And not with roommates.”

“Look, I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine. I don’t want a relationship right now.”

“Or ever, it appears,” Jaehyun notes before he sits back into the couch and places his arm over Doyoung’s shoulder.

“If you don’t want a relationship, you should at least get laid,” Ten pipes up, saying it so casually before he returns his full attention to the bowl of food in front of him.

Taeil expect Doyoung to say anything. He knows about this subject a whole lot more than Taeil. Taeil is pretty sure that he’ll never be ready for dating again, but if Doyoung doesn’t protest, it may be time.

“Just get yourself on Tinder,” Taeyong tells him, “No harm in talking to strangers online.”

They’re really ganging up on him tonight, Taeil thinks. He understands their concern, they’re all in relationships, so they don’t exactly understand how he’s fine being on his own, but he’d appreciate if it was less of the intervention that it is. He’d appreciate it more if it was more of an open conversation encouraging him to start seriously considering it, but what happens next only proves that it’s not about him coming to that decision. They’re making the decision for him.

“Give me your phone,” Sicheng says, and Taeil doesn’t exactly know why, but he doesn’t question it. He just hands it over, which just moments later proves itself to be a mistake.

“I just moved, I have a ton of projects going on at work. I don’t have time to get involved in any way. I don’t need any of that.” Taeil tries his best to explain how irrelevant it is for him whether or not he’s dating anyone. But his friends aren’t exactly paying attention to what he’s saying. They minds are made up.

“Yes, you do. We know better than anyone how lonely you get.”

“I’m not lonely,” Taeil protests.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Taeil says and seconds it with a nod. It’s a bit of a lie. But he’s panicking, he’s definitely not ready to date right away, and yeah, the thing about a ton of projects at work isn’t a lie. He’s getting ready for the autumn publications, autumn tends to be the busiest in the publishing world. “Just because all of you are in relationships, doesn’t mean that I need to be too.”

“And just because you had one bad relationship doesn’t mean that all your other ones will be too. Be cautious, sure. But you deserve to move on and be happy too.”

It’s Doyoung that says that, and his words wash over Taeil like a cold shower. They poke at him, uncomfortably. Is he really stopping himself from moving on?

There isn’t enough time to start dissecting that, though.

“Okay, let’s do this. Tennie, come closer and help,” Sicheng says, calling his husband over. Ten moves from the couch to the arm chair Sicheng’s sitting in, which is when Taeil realizes that what they’re both focused on is Taeil’s phone.

“Wait, what are you guys doing?”

“Making you a Tinder profile,” Ten informs him, looking up from the phone screen for just a moment.

“You know your email. The password is youwillthankus14,” Sicheng says.

“Seriously?”

“C’mon man. No one’s forcing you to use it. Have it just in case,” Jaehyun says. While it sure sounds harmless, Taeil doesn’t really want his name out there on any website. That’s why he picks and chooses the social media he uses and what he uses it for.

“Just in case is for extra toilet paper or another pack of instant noodles. Not for a tinder profile,” he protests.

“Do you like, not take selfies?” Ten then asks.

“Why do I need to take selfies? I own a mirror.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Johnny shakes his head. On the other end of the couch Doyoung pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I think that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Taeyong is the one that says it. Is it? Did he just disappoint all his friends with that sentence? Taeil didn’t think that selfies were that important.

“I’ll just zoom in on some group photos then,” Sicheng says.

“Moon Taeil, book editor, place of employment is no one’s business. Interested in men, age,” Sicheng dictates as he fills things in, “I think this will work,” he says, and shows Ten something.

“Nah, too narrow of an age group, let me do that one,” Ten takes the phone out of Sicheng’s hands, changes it before he says “That’s better.” He then smiles at Taeil and passes the phone back to Sicheng.

“I don’t know what you two are doing, but you should know that I’m neither a sugar daddy nor a sugar baby.”

“You’re lonely and looking for a hookup. Don’t get overly picky,” Johnny tells him.

“I’m literally neither of those things.”

“I’ll take care of the bio,” Jaehyun volunteers, and Sicheng hands over the phone immediately.

“It’s an option for you to have,” Sicheng then says, “If you ever consider giving it a chance you’ll be all set.”

Taeil’s never gonna use it. He knows that almost immediately. He might as well delete the app from his phone.

The only reason he doesn’t is because he knows that one day soon he’ll trust Sicheng a bit too much again, and his friends will give him another intervention. Or a housewarming party, as _they_ call it.

* * *

Taeil has a whole lot of responsibilities at work and a full daily schedule. Three of the authors he works with are in the final stages of their novels, and as an editor at a publishing company, it kind of his job to get them to their deadline without pissing them off. Some have bigger egos then others though, and that can be a challenge. He’s also the head of a small editing team in the company, so other editors rely on his advice whenever they get themselves in a pickle.

He’s had this job for five years now. He found it back when he was still stuck in his previous relationship, and finding it was what made it worse. But it also gave him legs to stand on once he left, so he held onto it.

Getting away is what inspired Taeil to work harder. Working hard is what kept him sane back then, and it grew into a habit. To this day, he still has a schedule for his entire day, including for the hours when he’s not at work. He goes to the gym every day, he goes to visit his family twice a week, making up for back when he could only visit once a month. On weekends he volunteers locally, feeling the need to give back to the organizations that were there for him when he needed them. On top of that, there is all the reading and writing he has to do in his time off so he can keep his skills sharp, and hopefully upgrade them.

He isn’t sure where he’s supposed to fit in a love life in that schedule. But his friends really want him to. Even though what he can already barely fit in is free time.

* * *

Friday and Saturday evenings tend to be when Taeil can take some time to enjoy himself, and what he loves doing more than anything else is spending that time with his friends. Even when they make him Tinder profiles. For most of those evenings, Taeil has plans days ahead. On the rare occasion when he doesn’t, he makes them in the last minute.

This Friday, it seems as though all attempts are falling through.

“What are you and Doyoung up to?” he asks. He’s talking with Jaehyun, the third out of four calls he can make that evening.

“We’re on our way to have dinner with Doyoung’s parents.” Jaehyun tells him, “Why? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to hang out,” Taeil admits, twirling his finger around the hem of his shirt, “But you’re busy.”

“Everyone is. Taeyong and Johnny are at Taeyong’s boss’ birthday party. And Sicheng is at that work conference in Busan, Ten went with him.”

“Yup. I know.” Taeil doesn’t mean to do it, but he sounds slightly disappointed when he speaks.

“You know, hyung, if you’re looking for someone to talk to, you can always talk to someone on Tinder.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he returns, sighing the words out, “Thank you for your input Jaehyunnie.”

“You’re welcome.”

He can almost see the smile on Jaehyun’s face from how satisfied he sounded when he said that.

These fuckers and their fucking Tinder. Over his dead body.

It’s not like Doyoung and Jaehyun were his last resort. Taeil still has one other friend he can call in. A friend that came back from a work trip just today.

He didn’t plan to do it, so he can have enough time to rest and catch up at home, but Taeil gets desperate. That’s what brings him to call his work husband. Jungwoo from the marketing department.

The answer to the question about what he’s up to isn’t what Taeil expected, but it was what he was hoping for.

“Trying to find something to watch on Netflix. Hubby’s working late tonight.”

“Wanna go get drunk?”

“Fuck yes.”

Taeil smiles upon hearing that.

“But I should remind you that last time Mark didn’t talk to you for a week for getting shitfaced.”

“I’m not gonna get shitfaced then. I’m just gonna get you shitfaced.”

Taeil can only hope that it’s a promise.

“Sounds great.”

* * *

While it was never an actual decision he made, Taeil found that alcohol helped him forget his past. He made sure that it never got out of hand. However, he allows himself to get slightly too drunk every once in a while. Today is that time, his first in the last two months.

Jungwoo keeps his promise, he can still walk properly and take care of himself, but Taeil is drunk enough that he needs a moment. When he gets dropped in front of his house, he needs a moment to remember that he lives here now, and he’s not in the middle of nowhere. He gets inside the house quickly, grabs himself a bottle of water, and after chugging half of it, he takes himself to bed.

Taeil knows that he can’t do this forever, he can’t bother his friends every time he needs a conversation or a bit of stress relief. It’s only then, in his drunk head that he realizes that they were right. He needs to start dating again. He needs someone, because as much as his friends include him into things, there are days where he needs that sort of interaction, but it’s actually tricky to get it.

It’s then, in his tired and drunk craze that he takes out his phone and opens the Tinder app for the first time. Left, right. What’s too hard about that?

He’s lying in bed, reading bios and swiping. Mostly left, a few rights.

He falls asleep after he sees that he’s matched with a guy with the best bio he’s seen so far. He swipes right at the bio cause the guy says he sounds like a lynx, and it makes him laugh.

* * *

On Saturdays Taeil volunteers in the mornings at shelter downtown. He started volunteering just months after he got away from his last relationship. It was quite cathartic, exactly what he needed to make him feel slightly better about the choices he had made. Something about talking to those people and seeing them once a week that lifted him up when he needed it most.

“What did you end up doing last night?” Doyoung asks him.

They’re sitting at a restaurant across the street from the shelter. It was Doyoung that told Taeil about the place. It was Doyoung that drove Taeil there that night, because he knew Taeil wouldn’t be safe in any of his friend’s houses. And he was right. All of his friends that he wasn’t allowed to see were visited that night. But at the shelter he was safe. He stayed there until the restraining order came through.

“Went drinking with Jungwoo,” Taeil says. He gulps, wondering if he should say it. Screw it, he thinks, why the fuck not. “Then got home and started swiping on Tinder.”

Doyoung almost chokes on his coffee.

“Did you actually?”

“Yes.”

“Did you match with someone? Talk to someone?” Doyoung then asks, his eyes carefully examining Taeil’s face.

“I know I matched with someone, but I haven’t talked to anyone. I’ve been here all morning,” he says.

“You’re really unenthusiastic about this thing.”

“What’s there to be enthusiastic about? Talking to someone? I’m talking to you right now.”

By the look on Doyoung’s face, Taeil suspects that he wants to scold him right now. But Doyoung restrains himself.

“How about dating?” he then asks.

“I’ve dated in the past.”

“Jesus.”

“It’s just that I’m not expecting to meet the love of my life on Tinder.”

“You’ll never know,” Doyoung sighs, “But I’m glad you took that step.”

Taeil’s glad too. Hopefully, whatever happens on Tinder, won’t be bad.

* * *

Taeil checks his Tinder when he gets home, curious about how things have gone since last night. He swipes a bit more, then checks the messages. Out of the sea of ‘hey’, shitty pickup lines and guys asking for his Snapchat, he finds one interesting question and he clicks on it.

“If you had to pick one book to read for the rest of your life, what book that would be and why.”

Now that’s something he can work with.


	2. jisung and chenle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted this done yesterday to celebrate "mine" and mark's birthdays, but instead i spent the day listening to tlpotl.
> 
> enjoy the update!! 😘

The way Jisung ended up working at Isn’t it Caketastic was by curing a hangover with buttercream. Back then he still operated on college student hours, so he was inside seeing the ‘help wanted’ sign being put up first thing in the morning. He asked about it as soon as he finished his slice of cake. It turned out that they were looking for someone to do deliveries and as that was something he felt skilled enough to do, he applied, then later got the job.

He likes the job. It’s not exactly demanding, but it’s not really easy either. It all really depends on the customers he encounters.

A month after he started came Chenle, the new assistant baker, and Jisung found himself gravitating towards the kitchen more and more, annoying everyone because he kept getting the way. But it wasn’t like it was one sided. Chenle often used his breaks to go on deliveries with Jisung. They spent so much time together during work hours, that it only made sense to spend time together outside of work too. As time passed, they slowly progressed into dating.

Two years later, here they are. Still working at the bakery and still joined at the hip, but now also living together and with their own routine. Jisung likes what he has going on, and he likes how there’s nothing that can disrupt it. The only thing that he wishes he could change is his boss’s attitude.

“You’re here again?” Hyuck asks. He finds Jisung in the kitchen, as he sits on a chair, eating croquant leftovers as he watches Chenle and Yuta-hyung, the head baker, pipe frosting onto a wedding cake he has to deliver next. “Don’t you have things to deliver?”

“Not until six o’clock,” Jisung replies, then points at the cake the two men are still working on.

“Then find something to do.” Hyuck tells him. He’s looking at his phone, his facial expression covered by a thin layer of stress, and Jisung figures he’s not really paying attention because Hyuck walks away after he says that to him.

It didn’t used to be like this. When Jisung first started Hyuck was a different kind of person, far more laid-back and approachable. One of the reasons why he enjoyed working at the beginning was that everyone had fun and the boss encouraged it. They still have fun and play around a lot, but the boss is no longer an active participant.

It changed gradually, Hyuck closed off, swallowed down his feelings and grew even lippier and snappier. He became the official party pooper in the bakery, taking over for Renjun-hyung. Jisung never thought he’d live a day where he could seriously say that Renjun-hyung is more fun than Hyuck.

“He’s been on edge all day long,” Yuta-hyung states, almost as if it’s not a big deal. And it mostly isn’t. Jisung just misses how harmonious everyone in the bakery used to be.

“More like all year long,” he replies.

“Ever since he got dumped by…” Chenle adds, his voice trailing off once he sees the warning look on Yuta’s face. They promised Hyuck this one time that they wouldn’t talk about that, at least not when he’s around. It’s not because it was anything extremely serious, but because Hyuck doesn’t like being reminded of the time he met a guy, told everyone that he was the love of his life, and after a month of dating got dumped because the guy’s ex wanted to get back together with him. It apparently opened up some old wounds, which was something Hyuck mentioned in passing when they were out drinking one night, but they didn’t have much context for that, and Renjun-hyung wasn’t telling. So, to stay safe, they don’t really talk about it when Hyuck is nearby. “Since it’s all about that, I think I know what we can do to get Hyuck to relax.”

“Leave me out of this,” Yuta-hyung asks after Chenle brings it up.

“Is relaxing really what he needs?”

His boyfriend rolls his eyes at him for that question, then goes onto to explain.

“He’s on edge because he doesn’t have anyone. We should get him a date.”

“Us. Getting Hyuck a date. You’re insane. With the mood he’s in, he’ll rip our heads off,” Jisung finds himself saying.

“Unless we get him a good date,” Chenle returns matter-of-factly.

“Do you know anyone?”

“No. Do you?”

“Not a single soul,” Jisung seconds it with a shrug. He really thought Chenle had more than just an idea. “Yuta-hyung?”

“I told you to leave me out of it,” he tells them. He then clears his throat, and quietly reminds them, “There’s always Tinder.”

Chenle’s face lights up when Yuta-hyung says that.

Yeah, dating apps. They should’ve thought about that immediately.

* * *

They talk about it a bit more with Yuta-hyung pretending he’s not there, but they take the next step during their break. They go to the nearby park for some privacy, cause it’s best that less people know about what they’re doing. Besides, if Hyuck, or Renjun-hyung catch them, they’ll be in a whole lot of trouble.

“I did the sign up and got pictures from his Instagram while you were changing,” he tells Chenle, then hands over his phone for the rest. Chenle’s much more decisive than him, so he should fill out whatever else is needed. Jisung’s much more of a planner these days.

“Awesome. Now, the info. Name Donghyuck, cause he never uses it. Job, owner of a bakery. Place of work none of their business, cause we can’t have them coming here, or we’ll get caught.”

“Smart.”

“Interested in men. Distance blah, blah,” Chenle grazes over the details quickly, but stops at “Age?”

“Renjun-hyung says boss always dates men older than him. His theory is that it levels him out,” Jisung says. He honestly couldn’t believe that he got Renjun-hyung to say something like that, cause he tends to be careful with those details, and that’s exactly why he remembered it. “So like, 27 to 37, that’s a good age group,” he suggests and watches as Chenle sets it on the toggle.

“Alright. About me is the only thing left.”

“I thought about that. A fun pros and cons list.”

“Go ahead, I’m typing.”

“Pros. One, free coffee, cake and pastries. Two, as loyal as a guard dog. Three, will shower you with attention. Four, won’t shut up until you’re laughing,” Jisung dictates, and Chenle types it all in, “Cons. One, vocal capabilities of a lynx. Two, too clingy for most people. Three, nocturnal. Four, won’t shut up.”

Once everything is in and set they both take a deep breath before Chenle touches ‘save’.

“Now what?”

“Now we wait till our shifts are over, we get home, and we start swiping.”

* * *

“A lawyer?” Chenle asks before he turns the phone to show the picture to Jisung.

The ‘get home then we start swiping’ got postponed a few times, and they finally got to doing it once they started getting ready for bed. Chenle’s already in bed, he’s sitting up with Jisung’s phone in hand. Jisung on the other hand is still getting ready, brushing his teeth while walking around the bedroom, as he does every night.

Jisung doesn’t have to look at what the guy looks like to have an answer. Hyuck in a relationship with someone who argues for a living? Just the thought of being at that date is giving him a headache.

“Never.”

Chenle swipes left and they’re onto the next one.

“Soccer player? He doesn’t have a bio, but he does have a six-pack.” Chenle once again shows the picture to Jisung. This one he has to take a look at.

“Maybe, but yes, just to play it safe. He might share some interests with Hyuck.”

One swipe right. Onto the next one.

“Medical student. Says something about knowledge of the body.”

Jisung isn’t able to take a look at this profile as he darts in the bathroom to gargle the toothpaste out.

“Hot?”

“I don’t know.”

“If you don’t know then it’s a no,” he responds.

“There’s a musician whose bio is Post Malone lyrics.”

“At least it’s not Drake. But hard pass,” he says as he exits the bathroom.

“Oh, a book editor,” Chenle smiles, then scrolls down to the bio. He starts reading just as Jisung gets under the covers. “I’m a workaholic and I refuse to admit that I get lonely. This profile exists because my friends stole my phone and made it. If you’re reading this, I still haven’t checked what my bio says because I probably still don’t know how to actually use the app.”

“That’s a fun coincidence,” Jisung says. He leans over, putting his head on Chenle’s shoulder to take a look at this dude.

“More like fate. Workaholic that won’t admit he gets lonely basically describes Hyuck.”

“It’s a yes.” They both agree by seconding the statement with a nod.

“The next is a no.”

“Keep swiping.”

* * *

In the mornings it’s when Jisung’s most busy with deliveries. A lot of businesses order pastries during the breakfast and lunch period days in advance, and Jisung’s the only delivery guy. He’s so busy with it all that he forgets about what he and Chenle did the night before. It takes Chenle asking for updates to remember that he took some responsibility just a day prior.

“Anything new from Tinder?”

When he hears the question Yuta-hyung stops them, and point them towards the other end of the bakery. Right, he wants to remain innocent.

Jisung doesn’t answer until they’re away from everyone, and even then he speaks quietly. He takes out his phone and checks on what has happened since they went to bed last night.

“Hyuck matched with the book editor. Including with a few of the rest,” Jisung says, then quickly checks on the messages they’ve gotten since last night, “Wow, these pickup lines all suck. Anyway, I think we both agreed how important the book editor is.”

“We should ask about his favorite book to get the conversation started,” Chenle says, “But let’s not phrase it that way. Let’s ask if he had to pick one book to read for the rest of his life, what book that would be and why.”

“Good. Cause we don’t want to be as boring as these people,” Jisung agrees, “I’ll go generic with the rest, and I’ll let you know if the book editor responds,” he promises.

“What are you two doing? Get back to work!” they hear Hyuck’s voice. Neither of them noticed him when he entered the kitchen. Neither of them thought about keeping an eye on whether or not they have privacy.

“Yes boss,” Chenle says, then immediately gets back to the kitchen island.

It takes Jisung a moment before he gets back to work. He doesn’t have any deliveries in the next hour, but he has to find something to do because Hyuck is standing near the kitchen door, waiting for him to do so.

Maybe he can help Renjun-hyung with something in the front.

* * *

Most of the conversations he has with the guys on Tinder are so dull that it bores Jisung to the point where he closes the app and he needs a few hours before he opens it again. That’s why Jisung only sees the answer from the editor the following morning as he and Chenle are arriving at work, and he reads it out loud for Chenle.

“Ulysses by James Joyce because every sentence has multiple meanings. How about you?”

“Is that the answer from the editor?”

“Yes. What are we going to respond?”

“Come,” Chenle says to him, motioning him to follow him as Chenle leads the way towards where Hyuck is sitting, enjoying his coffee, as he does every morning, “Hyung, can we ask you something?”

“Sure.” He seems a little absentminded, so this is the best time to bother him with such questions.

“What’s your favorite book?”

“Critique of Pure Reason.”

“Why?” Jisung is the one that asks for the rest of the answer they need to send. This question prompts Hyuck to look up as he answers.

“Cause it makes me think. Every time I read it I understand more of it, but I also don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand all of it,” Hyuck explains, and Jisung does his best to remember it so he can send it to the book editor word for word, “Go prepare for work,” Hyuck then says, and they both rush towards the back of the store. Chenle’s rushing to get ready, and Jisung’s rushing so he can send an answer.

* * *

It’s not like they’re not talking to anyone else on Tinder. They are in fact swiping and talking to different people every day. It’s just that they aren’t as excited about anyone else because the others don’t seem like a nice fit. Everything seems to come together and point towards this man. Jisung’s the one to point it out, and once Chenle sees it, he can’t unsee it. So he pushes towards the book editor more and more.

“The editor responded. Hyuck’s book is a great choice, now he wants to know whether or not Hyuck’s read the sequels and what he thought about those.”

Jisung lets him know. Their break just ended, which is a bit unfortunate because it doesn’t give them a chance to come up with an answer. The question, also, has them both slightly confused cause they didn’t expect it. Then again, they left it off a bit weirdly. But the guy seems eager to keep going with the conversation, which is a great sign.

“There are sequels?”

“Apparently,” Jisung shrugs before he heads towards the counter where Hyuck and Renjun-hyung are standing, “Hey, hyung. That book you mentioned?”

“What about it?

“I hear there are sequels.”

“Kind of, yes,” Hyuck tells them

“Any thoughts on those?” Chenle asks.

“What are you two doing?”

“Just answer their question so they’ll go back to work,” Renjun-hyung says, looking at them both through narrowed eyes. He knows they are scheming something, he just doesn’t know what yet.

“Fine. I like all three books. Kant is my favorite philosopher, I like the way he thinks and the way he expresses himself. I only picked the first one cause I read it most often.”

“Thank you,” Jisung gives him a smile, before they’re both shooed away to go back to work.

Chenle might or might not ask his boyfriend if an answer had arrived few too many times that day.

* * *

The answer instead arrives when they get home. It’s too bad that they can’t continue the conversation immediately, but patience is a virtue. This isn’t something they should rush. It would be faster if they shared their own opinions, but it’s not the point. It’s the only conversation needs to be more genuine than that. So they wait patiently until the morning.

When they get to the shop Chenle takes it upon himself, and he marches himself straight to Hyuck’s office.

“Hyung, what are your opinions on John Locke?”

Hyuck looks at him blankly for a moment or two, as if he’s trying to figure out what’s going on. In the end he answers.

“Without his work we wouldn’t have Kant. Or liberalism. He’s pretty great, very fun to read and think about. Very important too.”

“Thanks.”

“I don’t know what you guys are doing, but if you’re interested in philosophy…” Hyuck attempts to get something out of Chenle.

But before Chenle can let anything slip he cuts him off with “We’re not, thanks,” then he darts away from the office and heads for the door to the back of the shop.

* * *

From that point on they just keep up the charade. Whatever the conversation with the book editor leads to, whatever the question is, one way or another they get the reply from Hyuck. He doesn't even question them anymore, he just sighs and explains in simple words, and with that he always gives them enough for the conversation to continue.

It wouldn't be that simple if he even thought that something was going on more than Chenle and Jisung asking questions at the most random of moments.

* * *

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. They were actually going to come clean. To the editor, and to Hyuck. And if all went well, the date would be set.

What Chenle forgot to take into account is the distance they had set. Nothing was stopping them from talking to someone from the neighborhood. As it turns out, the book editor is from their neighborhood. The realization only strikes because Renjun-hyung asks them to stay for a few minutes before going home so he can ask them something. Before he can ask though, he gets caught up with a customer. It just so it happens that the book editor is that customer, and to Jisung’s horror, he’s asking about deliveries.

The guy puts in an evening order for a lot of baked goods, then proceeds to ask about which cake he could get right away. Chenle and Jisung are standing nearby, listening in. Trying not to stare, but failing.

“This one is with vanilla sponge, cream and fruit. We have a similar one with mixed berries only.”

“What do you have with chocolate?” the guy then asks. Shit. The guy? They were so busy calling him ‘the book editor’ all this time that Chenle forgot he has a name. Taeil. He looks just like his picture.

Renjun-hyung starts going on about their chocolate cakes, before he mentions the black forest cake. That’s a wake-up call for Chenle. He was hoping that the entire thing will wrap up sooner than later. But this is dangerous territory now.

“We’re sold out at the moment, but if you don’t mind waiting, or coming back later, we should have some out fresh in about twenty minutes,” Renjun-hyung says. He always goes out of his way to satisfy the customers and get them to come back. It’s never been as annoying as it is at this moment.

“That sounds great. I have no problem waiting at all. I’ll have a cup of chamomile tea in the meantime.”

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll bring over your tea right away,” Renjun-hyung says to him before he turns around and starts preparing the tea. The book editor sits down on a table not too far away and as he sets down his satchel, his eyes land on Chenle and Jisung. To their blatant stares he answers with a soft smile.

Chenle turns towards Jisung then.

“What do we do?” he asks, his question prompting Jisung to look away from the book editor and to look at him.

“What do you mean what do we do? He doesn’t know us.”

“But what is he sees Hyuck and recognizes him.”

“They won’t see each other, he’s not here,” Jisung’s reply has Chenle calm down. But only momentarily.

“Who’s not here?” Renjun-hyung asks them, a cup of tea in hand.

“Hyuck-hyung.”

“No, he’s here. He’s in the office. Did you need him? More philosophy questions?”

“Nope. Just talking. There’s nothing odd going on.” Chenle shakes his head. Renjun-hyung isn’t going to let him have this one, but he’s also not going to question it right away.

“Oh-kay. Watch the front for me, I’ll be right back.”

There are a few moments of silence, of both Chenle and Jisung processing the information. That’s when the tables are turned, and Jisung’s the first one to talk, his voice laced with panic.

“He’s here. And the editor’s here.”

“Yeah, I know. Calm down.”

“I can’t calm down. If he gets out of the office we’re fucked.” Just as Jisung says that Chenle turns to see Hyuck exiting the office.

“Too late,” he points out. Jisung turns around right on time to see exactly what Chenle’s seeing. Renjun-hyung’s already walking back, so he can’t distract him.

The only hope they have is that the book editor’s focus will remain on the phone in his hand and he won’t look up and see Hyuck.

That hope diminishes just moments later. When he looks up and his eyes land directly on Hyuck as he’s walking towards the front of the shop.

“Donghyuck?” the editor asks, standing up from his seat.

“Yes.”

“Hi.”

The entire world is crashing, and Chenle knows they have only one thing left. Getting out of there as soon as possible.

“Hi. Do I know you?”

“I’d hope so. Taeil, from Tinder.”

Trying to signal Jisung that they need to get out fails, because Jisung isn’t looking at him. He’s focused on the interaction happening in front of them.

“I’m not on Tinder.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s you.”

The editor has his phone in hand, and it’s obvious what follows. Jisung’s not catching up though. Renjun-hyung has already caught up, and he’s standing in front of them seconds later. He’s also following along with the conversation Hyuck is having, and he’s seen the way Chenle and Jisung are acting. He knows.

“I don’t have a reason to lie to you about this. It’s someone else.”

“So we haven’t been talking about philosophy for like ten days now?” the book editor asks, right before he shows Hyuck his phone. They’re busted. No going back.

“Philosophy you said? Can you please show me the chat?”

Chenle grabs Jisung’s hand then. They have to get out, or even like hide for a bit. Hyuck’s gonna get really angry at them, in front of the book editor, and it’s all gonna be counterproductive.

“Here.”

“What did you two do now?”

“Renjun-hyung, please hide us,” Chenle whispers.

“We were trying to find him a date so he’ll be less irritable,” Jisung explains quickly.

“You better get out right now.” He tells them, but it’s once again too late. Cause Hyuck has ready the conversation and is already red in the face. They can’t get out now, in order to get out they have to pass by him.

“Oh my god,” the book editor says. That’s followed by Hyuck turning around and addressing Chenle and Jisung.

“What have you two been doing?”

“Shit,” it’s Renjun-hyung that says that. Everyone knows what’s about to happen.


	3. donghyuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> exposition is hard to write. even harder when i can't focus.

The one thing that Lee Donghyuck is afraid of is being easy to replace. It’s a fear that he’s had since he was a little kid, and it’s still present today after making its grand return just a year ago.

He’s had that fear ever since he first started making friends and he realized how easily he can lose them. Those friends would then go and make new friends, and Hyuck would be forced to try and meet new friends of his own. But his friends never stuck.

The reasons varied sometimes, but the one that he heard most was the good old ‘annoying’ excuse. Hyuck gets overly attached, and he does so quickly. To people who don’t do the same, Hyuck seems annoying. He understands that, and more often than not he tries to dial it down. But despite his attempts, the same things have always happened. It had been happening his entire life, which ultimately made Donghyuck realize that everyone and everything is replaceable. Even him.

It didn’t seem to be that big of an issue when Hyuck started going to university. Back then he made a few friends that he still has to this day. Because of that experience he allowed his fear to disappear ever so slightly, he got comfortable with it not being at the back of his mind at all times. There were people he wasn’t going to lose, and by each day that became even truer. That didn’t mean he was out of the woods, though, something that would take him a few years to realize.

Exactly a year and three months ago Donghyuck met someone. A year, two months and three weeks ago Donghyuck realized that he was in love.

He did what he does best and he got overly attached. But he also did the sensible thing and he didn’t say anything to the guy he was seeing. He in fact, only told Renjun about it, but he tells Renjun everything. In the end, it turned out that not saying anything to the guy was the smartest thing Hyuck had ever done. Because a year and two months ago Donghyuck had his heart broken when he got dumped by him.

The reason he received for the breakup was what made it even worse. His feelings were far from reciprocated. The guy was in love too, just not with him. He was in love with his best friend that had just confessed to him.

Hyuck got replaced. Which is why his wounds opened again and also why he swore off dating. It never ends well and he doesn’t see the point of it anymore. He told all of his friends that he doesn’t want to date, he doesn’t want to meet anyone or to be set up by them.

So to say that learning two of his friends set up a profile for him on an online dating site, just so they can set him up, was a surprise is an understatement.

* * *

If life was an animated movie, Hyuck knows that at this moment he’d have smoke coming out of his ears. He can feel heat on his cheeks and it’s only getting hotter, his shoulders tense. He squeezes his hands into fists, blunt nails digging into his skin on one hand, while the other’s tightening around the stranger’s phone.

He can’t fucking believe it. How could have they done this? And why oh, why did the stranger they’ve been bothering have to be someone that Hyuck can definitely see himself falling for? How can this be his luck?

He stops in front of Jisung and Chenle, and in a low tone, but with words filled with anger, he states the obvious.

“You’re posing as me on Tinder.”

“I’m so happy that there aren’t a lot of customers in here right now,” Renjun says. Right, they’re in public. Hyuck can’t forget that and make a scene. But with how angry he feels, it’s basically inevitable.

He feels betrayed. Taken advantage of. So many emotions at once.

It’s not like it can escalate. Donghyuck hates pulling ranks or fighting. He doesn’t like raising his voice, his natural volume is already loud enough. He doesn’t like making people feel less than. But he’s afraid of the emotions brewing in him, he’s never had this mix of emotions before.

“Sorry hyung,” Jisung says. Both he and Chenle have hints of guilt on their faces, and the fact that they see it makes it better, but not enough. At least they know.

“What makes you think that this is okay?”

“We just thought that it would be good for you if you started dating again.” Chenle says, looking much more confident than he did a moment ago.

“What kind of nonsense is that? I specifically said…” Hyuck attempts, only to be cut off by Renjun.

“They’re kind of right.”

“Et tu Brute?”

“Hey. They’re the ones that made it,” Renjun says, pleading his innocence by raising both hands in the air, an action that gives Hyuck the chance to continue his rant, which will in turn get rid of some of the frustration that’s building inside him.

“You catfished someone for my good? That’s what you’re trying to say?”

“Kind of, yes,” Jisung responds, seconding it with a shrug.

Hyuck’s about to swear at them, but another interruption stops him from doing it.

“Can I pay for my tea please?” the man asks. It’s not like Hyuck forgot he was there. It’s just that with all his anger, he thought this was much more important. Chenle and Jisung were trying to slip out without him noticing, he had to catch them before they did.

“It’s on the house. It’s the least we can do,” Renjun says, sounding apologetic. Hyuck’s about to speak, try to smooth things over, but the determined look on the man’s face cuts him out.

“Can I get my phone back?” he then asks, eyes focused on it in Hyuck’s hand.

“Sure. Sorry,” he says.

The man leaves without another word, which, first of all, rude. But Hyuck can’t hold it against him. He wouldn’t know what to do either. He doesn’t know what to do, actually, that’s what has him babbling, speaking in circles.

“We’re sorry,” Chenle calls after the man in a low volume, and Hyuck knows that he hadn’t heard any of it.

“That’s not enough. This is so serious. I can’t believe you did this. I trusted you, and…” he says, his voice almost breaking because of how frustrated he feels. His emotions are getting out of hand.

“Okay. Try to calm down,” Renjun says to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“What do you mean calm down?”

“They’re going to apologize to you, but they’re supposed to be apologizing to that man as well.”

“That man’s name is Taeil and he’s a book editor,” Chenle tells him. Hyuck cannot believe it.

“You’re still trying to set me up?”

“You didn’t even give him a chance. He’s such a good fit for you,” Jisung insists. Why are they so cocky today?

“I’m gonna lose my mind,” Hyuck sighs. He pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut in attempt to suppress the headache he’s starting to feel.

“Just look at the conversation you had.”

“ _You_ had,” he corrects him.

“If you think we messaged him anything that didn’t come out of your mouth then you’re mistaken,” Chenle offers a statement that seems so odd. But from what he saw on the stranger’s phone, they did message him things they asked Hyuck about. He can’t be too certain though, now that his trust has been taken advantage off, he’s doubting everyone.

Renjun sighs, before putting on his manager hat for a moment, and taking charge of the situation.

“Stop disturbing the customers,” he says to them, “You two give him the account, and go wait in the kitchen,” Renjun turns to Jisung and Chenle, and then to Hyuck “You go to the office and see what happened. We’ll regroup after we close.”

* * *

Hyuck goes back to the office, his own phone in his hand after Chenle and Jisung give him access to the account. He has no idea why he’s following Renjun’s orders, maybe it was how certain Jisung and Chenle were about the guy being someone Hyuck should date, or maybe it’s just that Renjun’s been practicing his voice of authority since the day Hyuck suggested he come work at the bakery, and he just sounds so convincing now. Hyuck, however, can’t deny that the guy Chenle and Jisung were trying to set him up with was easy on the eye, and he’s curious to see what else they might have said and done in his name.

He goes over everything on the app. The photos, the settings, the bio that makes him want to yell at them both. Vocal abilities of a lynx. That’s actually kind of funny, Hyuck likes that comparison, lynxes are cute as fuck. But won’t shut up? Jesus, these kids. They’re just two years younger than him, how are they so immature?

He goes over all the conversations they had in his name next. Most are empty, barely even flirting. Guys shooting a compliment and wanting sex in exchange. Fucking men. Why can’t there be at least one of them on the app that’s not a stereotype?

But there is. He finds out they were the ones that approached Taeil, that’s his name, and they did that by asking about his favorite book. From there, the conversation grew and it turned into a chat about philosophers and books, and whose ideas resonate more than others, and they’re right. Everything they sent is the things that they’ve been querying him about all week long. In that one conversation not one thing has been sent out of place. They were catfishing as him, yes, but with Taeil it’s not as big of catfishing as with the rest. He doesn’t have an idea on how to put it exactly. It’s so complicated, and it’s so messy. All he knows is that he’s angry.

He only grows angrier when he reads the conversation, because they were right about the man. What he had responded with, what he had asked or stated as his own opinions, it’s all a legit conversation that Donghyuck would enjoy. He would’ve loved to have been an active part of the conversation. He would probably have giggled and paced around the bakery until the next response came.

Why do such unfortunate things always have to happen to him? This isn’t the meet-cute he dreamed of. His meet cute didn’t include any of his employees.

A knock on his door brings him back on earth. Renjun pushes it slightly open, checking on Hyuck before he dares enter the office.

“In their defense…” is the first thing Renjun dares say.

“Oh, you found a way to defend them? That’s a surprise.”

Renjun rolls his eyes at him as he takes a seat on the chair opposite of Hyuck.

“You have been a miserable schmuck ever since things ended with…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hyuck cuts him off. He doesn’t want to hear that name. He hates being reminded of it.

“And you’re irritable beyond belief. Your last sentence is a proof of that.”

Hyuck breathes out deeply, glaring at the confident expression on Renjun’s face.

“You might be right.”

“Might? Boy, check yourself. I’m always right.”

It’s now time for Hyuck to roll his eyes at Renjun.

“Don’t get too far ahead of yourself,” he retorts smugly.

“Okay.” Renjun sucks in a breath and holds it for a moment before he breathes out. They’ve gotten so good at playfully pushing each other’s buttons and knowing when to stop that Hyuck’s actually proud of them, “They’re going to apologize to you now,” Renjun says to him. They can apologize all they want, that doesn’t mean he has to accept it, “And the day after tomorrow I’m sending them on the delivery to the address the guy gave me so they can apologize to him, if he’s there.”

What was that? Did he hear that correctly?

“He put in a delivery?”

“Yup.”

Hyuck isn’t sure why he says it. The words just come out of his mouth on impulse, long before he even registers them.

“They’re not going. I am.”

“You’re going?” Renjun asks with doubt in his voice, making Hyuck scramble for a justification about what he said.

“I need to apologize for their behavior. It’s my face and my words that they used. Therefore, my responsibility.”

He’s proud of how quickly he came to that bullshit line. All there really is to it is that he’s curious. He wants to know more about everything. He wants to get to know the man, so when it inevitably comes crushing down he can say that he told them so. He wants to know enough to prove that Jisung and Chenle were wrong, and he is in the right. The man looks like he’s his type, but they’re not compatible. Hyuck wants to gather some evidence that he can wave in front of everyone’s faces and they’ll finally leave him be. Something for the next time they push him towards dating.

“Hyuck,” Renjun attempts, but by the look on his face Hyuck can tell that he’s giving up, “Fine. If you say so. You’re the boss,” he shrugs. Donghyuck crooks an eyebrow, expressing his doubt in that statement. It isn’t something that Renjun has let slide before, “Bottom line, I’ll let you have this one.”

* * *

Except for the feeling of betrayal that Hyuck now carries, everything else about his days remains the same. He stays in his office, making sure things run smoothly, taking care of the documents and receipts that come in on the daily. There’s an order to keep, thing he needs to get done. It’s mostly reflex by now, the same thing every day, but his meticulous planning and almost obsessive need to have an eye on things is what’s making this bakery successful. He does his best for his employees, and in return, they do their best for him. Unless they’re busy using his name and picture to catfish people, claiming it’s for his own good.

It keeps hanging over his head like a dark cloud, the negative emotions making their presence known on the regular. He thinks about what happened every time he doesn’t have anything else to keep his mind occupied. He also thinks about what he said to Renjun about going on the delivery. He wonders if he can back out now.

Should he be spending this much energy on proving his friends wrong? Should he be bothering the stranger? Should he be going at all?

He decides that yes, he should be the one doing the delivery to the stranger. But not to bother him. He just can’t let Jisung be the one to do the delivery, and he can’t let Chenle go with him. They have done enough damage.

Renjun has to remind him about the delivery, not because he forgot, but because he was hoping everyone else would forget and he wouldn’t have to go. But once he it gets brought up, there’s no going back. And it’s almost as if Renjun looks through his intentions, because he patronizes him and walks him through it as if it’s a brand new thing for Hyuck to do, and he wasn’t the delivery person for a few months after they started offering deliveries.

There is something that Renjun wants to say to him, Hyuck can see it on his face. He lets him stew in it for a few minutes as he runs in circles around Hyuck, preparing the order. He closes the last pastry box and stills, starts staring at Donghyuck as if he’s trying to read him.

“What?” Hyuck asks, confused by this action.

“Nothing,” Renjun responds, seconding it with a chuckle. He shakes his head, but he quickly goes back to being serious. He sighs, then he finally lets it out. “Just… The previous time you fell in love at first sight…”

“Previous? I haven’t fallen in love at first sight since the last time.” He interrupts him to say that, but to Renjun it’s like he hadn’t said anything. He ends his sentence, beside the fact that Hyuck denied the first half of it.

“It ended with him dumping you after a few weeks.”

Hyuck doesn’t really want to have this conversation again. He knows very well what happened, and those memories don’t feel pleasantly at all. If only there was a way to erase what he doesn’t want to remember.

“I was there.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt again,” Renjun states. He sounds a bit too genuine for Hyuck’s taste, which is where his need to once again correct him stems from.

“That’s not what this is.”

It really isn’t. Hyuck can’t seem to make it clear enough, though, because he can tell that Renjun doesn’t believe him.

* * *

Donghyuck is surprisingly nervous about it.

There really isn’t a reason for him to be nervous. He isn’t doing anything peculiar, he’s just dropping off a delivery. A delivery that someone made and paid for, it doesn’t matter who that delivery is for. A customer is a customer. Each of them equally as valuable. Though he’s met this customer, it doesn’t mean that there should be anything but formalities. He’s going to stick to formalities.

He struggles a bit. He forgot this part of the job, the entire reason why he hired Jisung in the first place. Hyuck is horrible at navigating. He gets lost twice, only to realize that he already drove by the house he is looking for three times. Jisung might need a raise for being so quick and precise with deliveries. There are never complains about his scheduled deliveries, he gets things where they need to be. Hyuck feels as though he undervalued him now.

He takes a deep breath as he walks up to the house, three large pastry boxes in hand. The dude must be having a party, Hyuck concludes, it wouldn’t make sense for anyone to order this many baked goods. The house is also quite big, a yard around it and a tall stone fence protecting it. It looks really nice. Really safe also. Do book editors make enough to afford such luxuries? But neither of those things are any of his business really. It’s just some thoughts to distract him from his restlessness as he’s standing at the gate, waiting for a response for the bell he rang.

“Yes?”

“Delivery for Moon Taeil,” he reads off the delivery slip Renjun taped to the top box, hoping his tone sounds neutral and not at all freaked out. Why is he freaking out?

“I’ll be right there,” the voice returns.

Hyuck hangs by for about a minute, switching his weight from one foot to the other. He fails to find anything else to fill the time so he results to that. When he hears noises and movement coming from the yard, a tight knot forms in his stomach. The gate door unlocks, then opens. The first thing that comes out of the guy’s mouth sounds like surprise.

“Oh. Hi.”

“Hi,” Hyuck returns, swallowing down the discomfort in his throat.

“I didn’t think you’d be the one making deliveries,” the man says. His entire demeanor softens, and his lips quirk into a smile. Donghyuck forgets all his nervousness as soon as he sees that.

“I’m usually not, but our delivery guy and his boyfriend kind of messed with our customer. They wanted to come to apologize, but I haven’t forgiven them yet, so… I thought I’d play it safe.”

“Thank you. I’m still processing, so I appreciate it,” Taeil-hyung smiles at him again.

“I also wanted to clear things up a bit,” Hyuck finds himself saying before he even realizes what he wants to say. He thought about whether or not he should say it yesterday, and now it turns out that he decided a yes. Though he didn’t really decide, he’s just doing it now. Why is he doing it now? What in his body made him choose this exact moment? He’s just standing there awkwardly, pastry boxes still in hand. It’s like he’s having an outer-body experience. It’s the only explanation that makes sense to him.

“Go ahead.”

“I read the conversation,” he announces, then goes onto explain, “Everything they sent to you were words out of my mouth. They had been questioning me about things all week long. I don’t expect it to change anything. I just thought you should know.”

Taeil-hyung nods, allowing the words to sink in before he replies.

“Thanks.”

“This is what you ordered.”

“Right. The pastries,” he says, reaching out to accept the boxes.

“You must be having a party,” Hyuck returns. His small talk is getting worse by the minute.

“Kind of. I’m having my friends over.”

“The friends who made you the Tinder account.” Hyuck sees the question on Taeil-hyung’s face, so he clears it up immediately. “It’s in your bio.”

“I forgot to check my bio.”

“Yeah, your bio also says that,” he smiles slightly, allowing it to grow wider once Taeil smiles back. Maybe it’s the smile that makes unzips his lips again. “What I was aiming at is that, according to that conversation you and I have a good back and forth. If you’re ever interested for a chat, you know where to find me. And if you’re ready for that apology, they’ll be there. Renjun won’t let me fire them.”

“Don’t fire them. They seemed to have as good of intentions as my friends did. Just a different technique,” he says to Hyuck. Then with a nod he promises, “I will keep that in mind.”

“Great.” Hyuck nods back at him, feeling less and less awkward by the moment. He loosens up enough to say what he actually wanted to say since he found out, and say it genuinely too, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I need to. You were getting yourself out there, and you ended up in this mess.”

“I wasn’t really. My friends made me the account, but I didn’t intend to use it. I only did because I was drunk and curious. And the bio they wrote made me laugh.”

“What part?”

“The lynx part,” Taeil-hyung scrunches his face, regretting that he said that right away, “Sorry.”

“I low-key really like that part. Don’t tell anyone,” Donghyuck jokes. It’s then that he remembers where he is, and what the point of it was, and he remembers his place too, “I should get going.”

“Of course. Thank you for the delivery.”

“My pleasure. It was nice to see you. Hope to see you again and I hope you have fun with your friends.”

“Thank you. It was nice to see you too. Have a safe ride back.”

The look on Taeil-hyung’s face makes Hyuck think that he’s never going to see him again.

* * *

Hyuck comes back to a fairly empty bakery, it always is that way an hour before the fresh bread comes out. Then it gets really busy. It works out beautifully for him because now he can complain about what just happened to his friends.

“I’m never seeing that man again in my life.”

“What did you do?” Renjun retorts. It’s become a habit of his, assuming that Hyuck is the one in the wrong. It wouldn’t be that big of an issue for Hyuck is Jisung wasn’t standing next to Renjun, snickering.

“Nothing. I was on my best behavior.”

“Doubtful.”

“Maybe the croissants will change his mind,” Jisung offers, a satisfied smile still across his lips.

“I hope you’re as right about that as you were right about him,” he returns, sighing right after it.

In the silence that builds Jisung seems to get overly worried that helps him find the courage to ask.

“Are you going to fire me and Chenle?”

He thought about it. He almost did it. But he knows that doing that won’t make sense. The intention is important, just like Taeil-hyung said.

“No. I’m not firing anyone.”

“You just need to move on from things. From what happened last year. Grow from it. You’re just letting it stop you from living life,” Renjun says to him, his tone of voice making it seem like he’s decided on this, he’s wanted to say it for a while.

“I have other things going on.”

“You have nothing going on.”

“Yeah, the bakery runs itself,” Hyuck returns, his words dripping with sarcasm.

“We haven’t hired anyone since Chenle, Yuta-hyung’s in charge of ordering the ingredients for the back, I’m in charge for the front, and the bills are paid automatically. The only thing you have to do on daily basis is go to the bank to drop off the money from the previous day, and that’s something that anyone can do.” When you put it like that… “Just end the pity party and start dating. You’re so much happier when you’re in a relationship. Find someone already.”

This isn’t news to Hyuck’s ears, Renjun’s been persistently honest with how he feels about Hyuck’s dating break. And every time he hears it, Hyuck gets even more frustrated. He knows that Renjun’s right. He just can’t bring himself to do it. It’s like laziness that has settled in, he just doesn’t have the energy for it.

“That’s really easy for you to say.”

Renjun sighs, then matter-of-factly announces.

“You’re already in love anyway.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

He’s not in love. Really.

“Are too.”


	4. sicheng and ten

When Sicheng first moved to Korea for university he had a really hard time finding his place. He barely spoke the language, he didn’t know anyone, and if that wasn’t enough, he was questioning basically everything. He wasn’t sure about any of the choices he had made in his life. He felt as though he didn’t belong in Korea, or at the university. All his classmates were better than him at everything, so he wasn’t sure if his major was the correct choice for him. No matter how much work he put into it, Sicheng just couldn’t manage to get on top of things. So what was he overworking himself for when he didn’t do either of those things right?

The fact that he was also questioning his sexuality was just the cherry on top. At every given free moment Sicheng would find himself spiraling further and further into doubt.

He was just a month into his first semester, skipping regular class to use the gym for practice. That’s when and where he met Taeyong, at the time a third year dance major who needed help, claiming his professors scold him for not being precise enough. He heard that gymnastics could help him sharpen up his movements a bit, and asked Sicheng for help. At least, that’s what Sicheng managed to string together from what Taeyong said to him. He was still learning at the time.

Sicheng frankly had nothing else going on, he was so close to giving up and going back home, but that exchange with Taeyong offered him a lifeline. They managed to understand each other somehow, and after about two weeks of Sicheng helping him, Taeyong invited him to go out for a drink with his friends. Sicheng once again had nothing else going on, so he agreed.

On his first night out with Taeyong, he got to meet Doyoung and Taeil, people that didn’t intimidate him and were eager to talk to him, despite the boundary that was set by him not knowing the language. They were patient with him, they talked to him in a mixture of Korean, English, Google Translate and hand gestures, and it was both funny and fun. It was the fun Sicheng had been missing since the moment he left everything he knew behind.

If it wasn’t for Taeyong he wouldn’t be where he is now, in fact he probably would’ve gone back home, and not done anything about the doubts he had back then. But because he stayed, because he switched majors and found value in choosing a family away from his own, he feels good and happy about where he is right now.

Because he stayed, he got to meet Ten.

Meeting Ten was a freak accident on a gloomy November morning. Sicheng was rushing to class, a to-go cup of hot tea warming up his hands through his mittens. By the time he saw the stranger he eventually bumped into it was too late, and the stranger didn't see him in time either. Luckily for them both, their coats protected them from getting severely burned. The accident just created an exchange unpleasant enough for it to make an impression strong enough for them both. It kept them talking. The more they talked, the closer they got.

Ten gave Sicheng all the confidence and experiences he was craving. With Ten by his side Sicheng realized who he was. He solved all the doubt and questions he had at the beginning of his first year in university.

The only question they never found the answer to, something that they still playfully argue over, is whose fault the tea incident is.

* * *

At times Sicheng wishes that Ten would be a bit more serious about absolutely everything, even though he also knows that without Ten’s aloofness he wouldn’t have experienced half the things he did since he moved to Korea. They’re just moments though.

Tonight is an example of Ten taking something less seriously than he should.

They’re sitting in Taeil’s living room, the older perpetually feeling as if he owes his friends, with them helping him move being just the latest excuse. They indulge him. Even back when he lived in a tiny apartment in the center, they still visited whenever he asked.

It’s Jaehyun that asks Taeil about it first, but the answer to the question has everyone else intrigued.

“How’s Tinder working out?”

“You started using it?” Taeyong queries, eyes widening with surprise.

No one actually expected Taeil to start using it the same month they made him the account. They expected it to take him at least months before he dared to use it. They actually had a bet going on him deactivating the account before he actually uses it. No one would’ve judged him, of course. They’ve been seeding the idea of him moving on with his love life, making it easy for him to put himself out there with a silly app was just the latest thing on the list.

“For a bit. I don’t use it anymore,” Taeil responds. That’s all he needed to say for everyone to get overly intrigued. Sicheng can recognize it one everyone’s faces, he’s known them for long enough.

“Why not?” Johnny asks him.

“I got catfished.”

Taeil is trying to sound chill about it, but that only makes it more intriguing.

“In how long? A week?” Ten asks, a hint of mockery in his voice. It earns him a nudge on the side from Sicheng’s elbow. That attitude is the last thing Taeil needs. Ten mouths an ‘ow’ in Sicheng’s direction, so Sicheng gives him a look. A look is enough to communicate Sicheng’s reservations about Ten acting out right now.

“A bit over, yeah.”

“What happened? Start from the beginning,” Taeyong says, all of them eager to find out.

Taeil takes a deep breath before he answers, and Sicheng can tell by both the look on his face and the tone of his voice that it’s not a pleasant experience for him. He actually looks slightly embarrassed, but he doesn’t want a big deal out of it. And Sicheng wonders why.

“I stumbled onto this cute guy and we started talking. He asked about my favorite book, I asked about his. One thing led to another, and we ended up talking about philosophy books for like a week.” Taeil speaks, taking a break to suck in a deep breath before he continues his explanation, “Fast forward to two days ago, when I went to this bakery nearby to get things for tonight. I’m sitting there, waiting for a cake cause I owe Jungwoo one,” he says, pointing at Jungwoo who just nods, “and I see the guy there. Turns out, I’m in the bakery he owns. Also turns out, it’s not him on Tinder. He didn’t know, but it’s two of his employees, trying to set him up.”

“What did you do?” Sicheng prompts.

“Yeeted myself out of there,” Taeil replies, seconding it with a shrug.

Sicheng thinks about it for a moment, inspired by the way Taeil talks about the situation. The way his voice sounds, how he’s avoiding everyone’s eyes, and fidgeting with his hands, it all alludes at him being embarrassed about it. And that doesn’t make any sense. In Sicheng’s opinion, Taeil has nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s nothing that he did. There has to be some reason why he’s nervously talking about it, why he’s acting this way. Sicheng wishes he could see that conversation Taeil had, it could help him figure out why he’s being so hurt by it. Tinder conversations are the most generic thing ever. Why is he so impacted by it?

It’s only when he has that thought that he realizes that he can see the conversation. Unless Taeil changed the password, or deleted the account, which he doubts is the case.

He gets his phone out of his pocket and installs the app while the conversation keeps going.

“I did not expect that,” Doyoung admits, and the rest of them nod in agreement, “So you gave up on Tinder?”

“I deleted the app right away,” Taeil says it like it was something he decided on upon reviewing all his options, and not something he did out of sheer panic. It’s up to Sicheng to find out exactly what he did.

Ten has the same thing on his mind it seems.

“Try to get on his account,” Ten leans towards Sicheng’s shoulder and whispers it, trying to make it look as unsuspicious as he possibly can. But Sicheng’s way ahead of him.

“Already on it,” Sicheng whispers back. He uses that moment to check if the app is installed, as he shows Ten his phone screen. It’s done. He can sneakily try to get onto the account now.

“I don’t see why that would’ve stopped you. Is it cause you liked the conversation?” Johnny asks as Sicheng’s typing in the last of Taeil’s email address.

“I loved the conversation. And it is kind of like I had it with him, cause all the information came from him, but…”

That’s a weird statement, but Sicheng doesn’t have time to dissect it as he’s now onto typing in the password. He’s only listening.

“How do you know that?” Jaehyun cuts him off.

And he’s in. He’s in?

How is Taeil this bad with social media?

Before he gets too excited about it, Sicheng locks his phone and puts it back in his pocket. He can’t risk getting caught snooping right at this moment.

“He told me after he read the conversation.”

Taeil saying that makes Sicheng to a double take. The more Taeil is explaining, the more convoluted the story is getting.

“When was that?” he asks Taeil.

“He delivered the baked goods.” Taeil once again sounds nonchalant about it, which makes Sicheng even more curious. This is a side of Taeil that he doesn’t see often, and it confuses him. Taeil’s bothered by the catfishing, but not by the guy showing up on his doorstep? Since when? Ever since… the incident, Taeil’s been pretty reserved about who knows his whereabouts and comes to his place.

“Are you sure you two aren’t interested in each other?” Ten then asks, and Sicheng’s tempted to elbow him again. But since everyone’s attention is on them right now, he can’t. He settles for a stern look in the meantime.

It’s not like it’s something Sicheng doesn’t want to know. It’s just that right now isn’t the time or place for it. They shouldn’t push, not like this. There’s a better way to go about it.

“What would make you say that?” Taeil asks in return. Everyone’s facial expressions are screaming that Ten should shut up, but Taeil’s isn’t. And it’s too late. Cause Taeil knows Ten for the same thing everyone else does. Saying shit like it is. And right now, he expects him to do just that. Say it like it is. Or at least, the way he sees it.

“He came to do a delivery even though he owns the bakery,” Ten just says what everyone is thinking. It’s odd. Owners usually walk around on their high horses, they don’t actually do the work, at least not in Sicheng’s experience, “And cause it hurt you so much that you deleted the app.” Now, that’s the even more obvious part. Sicheng’s a little proud at Ten for being slightly more careful with his words than his usual.

“It didn’t hurt me. I’m just a bit disappointed.” Like that’s any better. Everyone knows that’s worse, actually. “I haven’t met enough guys who read Kant for pleasure. It took me aback,” Taeil admits.

He gets up then, heads to the kitchen after asking them if anyone needs anything.

He’s avoiding the subject, Sicheng suspects. He’s seen Taeil do that in the past, walk away when he doesn’t want to talk about something. More often than not it brings the conversation to an organic ending. Though he rarely does it, but Sicheng’s known him for long enough to be able to notice it.

“This can only happen to you,” Jungwoo finally speaks, stating his conclusion. He’s right. They all know it. Taeil’s the only one with luck so bad that he’d get catfished into liking someone for the first time in years.

In the tiny silence that builds after that, looks are exchanged between everyone, before they all give Taeyong _that_ look, one by one. There’s a schedule here, it’s Taeyong’s turn. Taeyong nods, accepting his destiny. He waits for Taeil to return, then it’s the first thing he says.

“If you’re seriously interested in dating, I’m sure between all of us we can find someone to set you up with.” Taeyong makes an offer that all of them have made many times in the last year. Beside the fact that there have been some changes in Taeil’s attitude towards dating, they’re still expecting the answer they always get.

“No. It was a fun experiment, but I’m fine for now. I don’t want to meet any random people. No one set me up.”

Yup. That’s the one.

* * *

The moment the idea pops into his head, Ten starts wondering whether or not he’s approaching it with that tiny amount of sadism he does his best not to acknowledge. He means well, that’s what he decides is the most important thing about how he’s acting. All that’s left for him to do is translate that intention into positive action, as much as he’s tempted to have fun with it, it’s his friends that this thing that popped into his head can come back to. He can’t do that to his friends.

Ten didn’t used to think like that. He was more fun oriented, with a smidgen of consideration before he met Sicheng. Falling in love with Sicheng made being considerate towards the people in his life top priority. Now, even when he has a thought that isn’t the best per se, he notices it much more easily than he did in the past. He then thinks about how Sicheng would react to it. What would Sicheng do? That’s all he needs to remember in order not to do stupid things like he did in his teens.

That thought about what Sicheng would do, as well as the look Sicheng gave him at one point in the night are what prompt Ten to rethink it. Maybe approach it from a different angle, not the revenge he initially had in mind. The way Taeil spoke about what happened only further inspired him to do the right thing. But he’ll definitely make up his mind once he has access to the details.

They’re in the cab, on their way back home when Sicheng finally pulls out his phone and Ten feels comfortable enough to talk about it.

“Did you change the password?” he asks.

“No. Should I?” Sicheng responds with a question as he’s opening the app, “I want to see what they were talking about. What did you have in mind?”

“I want to see too. I also want to find out if there’s anyone on the other end of that account. I don’t want Illie to delete the account in the meantime.”

What Sicheng replies with next scares Ten because word for word is what his initial thought was. He sometimes forgets how well his husband knows him.

“So you wanna do to that dude what his friends did to Taeil?”

It would be great if Sicheng didn’t read him like he was a children’s book. It also would be great if he could do that without it possibly hurting Taeil in the future. But Taeil seems a bit invested, they all saw that, so he can’t mess with whoever that person is. He instead wants to do the nice thing.

“It did cross my mind. But then you gave me a stern look and I remembered that wouldn’t solve anything.”

“I love it when your morals kick in,” Sicheng smiles at him, a sarcastic smirk on his lips. Ten is really proud of the fact that he taught him that smile.

“I think we tell the truth about not being Taeil. And we arrange a date for them.”

Sicheng sighs at him.

“A date,” he repeats.

“Yeah.”

“He literally said he doesn’t want to be set up mere hours ago.” It happens sometimes, Sicheng explaining something to him like he’s a five-year-old. Ten would get annoyed at it if it was anyone else. Sicheng’s too darn cute to get mad at. This time too, Sicheng’s voice is full of patronizing, and Ten doesn’t appreciate it, but he has dimples and makes Ten smile, so he lets it slide. More often than not Ten can’t believe his luck.

“Yeah, but with random people. This guy isn’t random,” he retorts.

“We can’t rush Taeil into it, though,” Sicheng reminds him, “I’ll let you have my phone, but just establish contact, and we’ll arrange the date later down the line. We need to get to know this guy first.”

“Do we have to play it that safe?”

“The other option is to hurt our friend.” That is so much more lame than the lame option Ten chose. But Sicheng’s right. Of course he is. “We have to play it safe. If we push too hard, we’ll make it worse.”

“Sometimes you’re not fun.”

“I know,” Sicheng fakes a pout at him.

Fuck. His. Luck.

* * *

It’s not like Sicheng had never witnessed nerds talking, but that conversation Taeil had with whoever catfished him is most definitely the nerdiest thing he has ever read. He and Ten spend the drive home going over it, sighing at each other after every reply. If what Taeil said is true, and it was in fact the guy’s words, then Sicheng hopes Taeil can work around it, cause he can see it working out really well.

Minutes after they get home, Ten is already plotting his message. He really wants to see if anyone’s going to respond, and who that person’s going to be. They’re both hoping it would be the guy himself, Donghyuck, but they also know that it might not be. Sicheng reminds Ten of that. Ten claims to be aware of it, he claims to have a plan, but Sicheng still decides to keep an eye on the situation. He trusts Ten. He doesn’t trust the person on the other side. And two heads are smarter than one. Working as a team will help them feel it out better.

By the time Ten gets to sending the message he wanted to send, they see that a new one has arrived in the same chat.

“Nice to see him again, he’s welcome to come to the bakery. Jesus, what a line,” Ten announces as he walks over to the kitchen where Sicheng’s clearing up and he shows him the message. In response, Sicheng decides to remind Ten of the schedule they have. Ten seems to be getting to wrapped up in this, and that’s a nice way to bring him back to earth.

“You do know that it’s your turn to do clean up and the dishes, not mine.”

“Shush, I’m busy,” Ten returns, and innocently pouts at Sicheng. As long as he doesn’t pout. “I’ll do them for a week. I promise.”

“Fine,” Sicheng fakes a sigh. “What are you going to respond with?”

“Hi. This is Taeil’s friends. Can you please tell us more about yourself and about what happened,” Ten recites what he came up with, “I think that covers our bases.”

“Could be worse. I’ll let you know when he replies.”

* * *

Over the span of a week they talk a bit back and forth, with the guy promptly answering Ten’s initial message, and Sicheng acting like a proxy in the moments when he checks on the conversation while he’s in between lessons at work, and Ten’s working in the studio, practically covered in paint.

It all culminates with Ten setting up a meeting, annoyingly texting from Sicheng’s phone while they’re setting up for dinner. But them being together gives Ten the opportunity to immediately tell Sicheng about it. Sicheng agrees to come to keep him in line, but he swears he doesn’t want anything to do with it leading to setting Taeil up. Ten on the other hand can’t help but note how cute Sicheng looks when he says it, all trying to be strict and shit, his hands on his hips and a stern look on his face.

The bakery is busy, but the guy leads them to an empty table that he had saved. He offers them something to drink, after they sit down at a table, getting the pleasantries out of the way.

As soon as they’re seated and comfortable Ten feels like it’s his turn. He doesn’t feel the need to beat around the bush with his question.

“We got the feeling that you might be interested in dating Taeil. Are we correct or not?” he asks.

The guy looks at them both, blinking a few times. Seems as though he didn’t expect the bluntness.

He clears his throat before he answers.

“I’m interested in getting to know Taeil-hyung better.”

Ten looks the dude up and down, searching for any hint of deceit. When he doesn’t see anything, he’s satisfied.

“Good enough.” Ten is already ready to leave, rising to his feet and turning around to grab the coat he placed there just a moment ago.

“That’s enough?” Sicheng asks, surprise on his face. He catches Ten by the wrist, and before Ten can protest, Sicheng turns to Donghyuck and says, “I’m sorry, my husband’s gone insane today.”

“How is that not enough?”

“You can’t be serious.” Sicheng looks at him with a look that orders Ten to sit back down. He then addresses Donghyuck once more. “Are you looking for something serious or not?”

“I’m not looking for anything. I just want to get to know Taeil-hyung,” Donghyuck says, much more confident with his answer. Whoever this kid is, Ten has a good feeling about him, and he likes his attitude. They could be best friends, if Taeil decides to date him. Also if it turns out that yes, he is a decent person and not a hidden monster. If it were only up to Ten, he’d say that the fact Donghyuck’s indulging him and Sicheng right now, and the fact that he is incredibly polite with them rules out the latter.

“You get to know him, and then what?” Sicheng insists. Dammit, is he going to scare him away? Has that been his goal all along?

“I don’t know. I haven’t gotten to know him yet.”

He’s able to not say exactly what Sicheng wants to hear? Maybe Sicheng isn’t oozing cuteness and charisma in other people’s eyes.

“Mhm. We’ll get back to you.”

“What’s happening?” Ten then asks, unsure about what just happened. He turns his entire body towards Sicheng, anticipating the answer.

“We can’t make any decisions for Illie.”

“We already did.”

“Without Doyoung’s opinion.”

Yeah, that makes sense. Ten nods in agreement.

“Who’s Doyoung?” Donghyuck asks them.

“That’s none of your business. Yet,” Ten finds himself saying. Sicheng squeezes his knee as soon as he says the final word. Maybe he isn’t supposed to assume that this will all work out. At least, Sicheng doesn’t want him to.

“Which one of the people you work with knows you best?” Sicheng asks Donghyuck.

“The guy at the front. Renjun, he’s my best friend.”

“I’ll be right back.”

Sicheng has gotten an idea on exactly what information he needs to ease his and everyone’s mind, Ten can see it on his face. He gets up and walks away from the table towards the younger man. Ten on the other hand is sitting there awkwardly for a few silent moments, glancing at Donghyuck a few times. He then finds himself blurting out the first thing he can think off just to break the discomfort that’s building between them.

“Do you guys do tiered cakes?”

“Yeah, we do. You want to see some designs?”

“I’d love to.”

While he’s here, he might as well start organizing Sicheng’s birthday, right?

* * *

Sicheng insisted, so it boils down to there being a council meeting about the situation. Ten gave the friend group that name the first time they got together to talk about Taeil behind his back. Now every time they get together without Taeil and he and his situation come up in conversation, Sicheng can hear Ten as he mockingly calls them ‘the council’, even when it’s not on purpose. He hears it again tonight, with all of them sitting around a table at a coffee shop, because tonight it is most definitely on purpose, and Sicheng’s also certain that it looks that way to outsiders too.

“I can’t say I’m too surprised that you did that,” Johnny addresses Ten, “I’m just glad that you took Sicheng with you for at least a hint of common sense.”

Ten rolls his eyes at him. He loves being babied by Sicheng, he hates it when people point it out. Always the same.

“Sure.”

“And what came out of that meeting?”

“In my professional opinion, I think we need to set them up.”

“You’re not the professional here,” Jaehyun reminds him.

Sicheng finds the moment suitable for him to share his own ‘professional’ opinion.

“I think we should set them up, but I don’t think it’s right to do it now. Give Illie some time. It’s still too new for him.”

“I think we need to feel out this Donghyuck guy a bit more,” Taeyong then says.

“I’ve been feeling him out for a week now. He’s not a monster,” Ten insists.

“I talked to his best friend about his character. His friend vouches for him. But only time will tell for certain.”

“And now we _all_ know which signs to look out for?” Doyoung asks, a question met by quiet confirmations and nods of the head.

After letting Ten take credit with a long ‘I told you so’ speech, Doyoung started the educational process by taking the lot, Jungwoo and Mark included, to a lecture that taught them everything they need to know about what Taeil was going through. These days, since the immediate shock and panic are long gone, everyone receives leaflets and article links as reminders. Sicheng hopes he never has to use any of that knowledge again in his life.

“Does he want to date? Or does he want a one-night stand?” Johnny then asks, another good question. Sicheng wishes he had a better answer to is.

“He wants to get to know Taeil.”

“That could mean anything.”

“Now you know why I didn’t let Ten give him Taeil’s number,” Sicheng clarifies.

“You wanted to give him Taeil’s number?” Doyoung questions immediately, his words coming out in a flash. It’s good for Ten that he and Doyoung are so close with age. If Doyoung was older Ten would be getting in serious trouble with him at a high frequency rate.

“I want to get them talking.”

“Nope,” Doyoung responds simply.

“But the guy is perfect for him.” Ten insists, sounding far too passionate about it. He’s ready to argue about how right he is, Sicheng can see it.

“Ten,” Sicheng pleads, blinking at him a few times to help distract him before he gets heated. He then turns to Doyoung to ask for his opinion, “What do you think we should do?”

“Come clean and encourage Taeil to pursue it,” Doyoung says, seconding it with a sigh, “Without pushing.”

“Any volunteers?” Jaehyun asks.

“I think it should be those two, since they read the conversation and went to meet the guy,” Johnny says, swinging his head towards Sicheng and Ten.

“Agreed,” Sicheng announces. It makes the most sense. Plus, the sooner he tells the truth to Taeil, the better. He doesn’t like hiding anything from him. During this last week he almost let it slip three times.

“You guys are mean. Tinder was your idea,” Ten says, accusatorily pointing at Taeyong, before Sicheng wraps his fingers around Ten’s wrist and takes his hand down.

“We’ll be happy to do that.”

“I’m not.”

“You owe me for doing the dishes,” Sicheng whispers the reminder near Ten’s ear. He had a feeling that it would come in handy someday.

“I am also happy to do it,” Ten says flatly. Atta boy.


	5. taeil

Taeil does his best to forget about it. He has so many responsibilities at work and so many errands at home that he doesn’t have to go out of his way to create distractions for himself. But he still thinks about it far too much for someone who is busy and is trying to forget.

He stays away from the bakery, and just to be safe, that entire block. He can’t risk it. Technically, he doesn’t have a reason to be embarrassed to see any of them, or be seen by them, cause he’s completely innocent in this, but he’s still nervous about it. He’s not embarrassed exactly. He mostly feels… like a coward. He isn’t surprised by it. But there’s no point in sugarcoating it either. He’s a coward about it. Donghyuck extended an invitation, Taeil knows that he’s welcome to go visit. It’s just that he also knows that he allowed himself to enjoy the Tinder conversation, which was soon followed by him finding the dude cute, and those feelings are not reciprocated. Taeil knows he’s eventually going to drop a hint or outright say it, so he stays on the safe side, not allowing himself to enjoy Donghyuck’s company like he did that day when Donghyuck came with the delivery. He doesn’t want to weird the guy out. They managed to end it at a pretty pleasant note. Taeil doesn’t want to ruin that. And he can’t ruin anything if he doesn’t put it in jeopardy in the first place.

He stays in his little corner, where it’s calm and there are no cute guys who badmouth European philosophers for their racism and sexism while also separating them from their work. He keeps to the activities he did before he stumbled onto the bakery and decided to go in. He reads a lot. He edits even more, challenging himself to work more quickly. He bothers Jungwoo a lot, since Mark is preparing a really big case and he works long days, it’s the best opportunity to spend time with his friend. He watches movies, and documentaries, and he considers picking up knitting for those moments when he has nothing to do with his hands.

Who needs chocolate eclairs anyway? If push comes to shove, he’s sure he can get a recipe online and replicate them. How hard can it be?

* * *

“We need to talk to you about something.”

Sicheng and Ten invited him to their place for dinner, which is a rare occurrence. Sicheng’s great at cooking, but he hates cooking for anyone beside himself and Ten. Taeil can’t take the offer of homemade food for granted, and the fact it’s such a rare invitation to get makes him feels like he’s found a golden ticket in a chocolate bar. He’s curious. He’s most definitely not going to pass on this opportunity.

He doesn’t think that there might be something more to it. He trusts his friends too much, maybe. The worst he figures is that because of the catfishing incident they’ve taken it upon themselves to check up on him more often, which isn’t unheard of. He only realizes that they’re onto something when Ten announces it, the tone of voice he uses sparking up worries in Taeil. Both he and Sicheng have been acting a bit weird ever since he arrived. He just figured they were bickering about what Beyonce album is the best, which happens more often than one would think. It’s only now that they’re done with dinner and they bring it up that Taeil sees that it's not something silly. He is here for a reason. Until one of them tells him what that reason is he can only pray that it's nothing serious. Please don't be a divorce because Sicheng keeps bringing up 4 while Ten is dead set on Lemonade. God forbid someone reminds them of Sasha Fierce.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. It’s nothing serious,” Sicheng tells him, following the statement up with a smile. Sicheng must’ve seen something on Taeil’s face that has him immediately saying that. Sicheng’s pretty good at sussing out Taeil’s emotions, he’s been that way ever since they met. Sicheng could always tell, even when Taeil was stuck. He kept asking what was going on and what he could do to help, but Taeil never said anything. Taeil was scared, he didn’t allow himself to let anyone in. He couldn’t disappoint his friends like that, he couldn't risk losing their respect.

“We met that dude whose friends catfished you,” Ten then says.

That’s what they’ve been hiding? That’s… wait. If this is how they’re acting over meeting him, then what exactly did they do during that meeting?

“Why did you meet him?”

“It seemed like it meant something to you, so we wanted to see why. He was already reaching out to you in that chat on Tinder, so we also thought it would be nice to see what he thought about the situation.” Sicheng is the one who explains it, picking his words with a bit of care. They’re taking turns speaking, they’re nervous. “Our conclusion is that you should go out on a date with him.”

“Are you two serious?"

“We are,” Ten contends. He knows he can count on Ten to always speak his mind. More often than not, that’s exactly what Taeil needs. He gets overly loved by Johnny and Taeyong, he has the much needed heart to heart conversations with Doyoung and Jaehyun, and he has fun with Jungwoo and Mark. He counts on Ten to be his courage, and Sicheng to read right through him. With them it’s always different, and somehow also relaxed. Even when subjects like this are being brought up. Ten is different from all of his friends because Ten never treated him like he was broken. Ten is why Taeil didn’t remain feeling like a victim after the newness ran its course, he was why Taeil didn’t lose his identity while everyone was babying and pitying him. Taeil isn’t surprised when Ten says, “Just a date hyung. We’re not telling you to marry him.” He actually appreciates it. Ten uses the exact approach he needs to use, showing Taeil the state of mind he needs to have. It’s nothing more than a simple date. The way they met is nothing more than a funny story either. He already decided that it’s nothing that he needs to be embarrassed by. So what's holding him back?

Maybe the guy likes him too. Maybe it’s not the exact same way it is for Taeil, but it doesn’t have to be. If he managed to impress Ten to the point where he's insisting Taeil should date him, maybe there is a chance that there is something more here. Maybe. It could be wishful thinking, but what if it isn’t?

Taeil has spent the last few weeks uncertain about what to do with the uncertainty he already had. He was curious, he still is, but he doesn't want to risk burning the bridge before it is even built. If his friends met him and talked to him about this before they decided to have this conversation, then they know something Taeil doesn’t.

“Why do you think that?”

“The guy’s nice. And he’s pretty adamant about wanting to get to know you,” Ten says to him, “If you want to get yourself out again, we think that doing that with him is your best option. Just to get you started, you don’t have to pursue it if you’re not interested for more than just a date.”

“I am nervous about the possibility of dating,” Taeil finds himself admitting. It’s one of the things that scares him most. Dating someone and failing to protect himself like he did last time. He keeps forgetting that he has his friends too.

“Try it with a friendly face, then. Someone you have things in common with,” Sicheng points out the obvious.

They’re right, this is a great opportunity for him to try dating. He can see where he’s going wrong and if he’s as rusty as he assumes that he is. Then he can work out the kinks.

“Okay,” Taeil finally agrees.

“Should I set it up?” Ten asks almost immediately. As nice as it sounds, Taeil isn’t ready for it to happen so quickly, so he answers with “No. I will.”

It’ll be better if he does it himself.

* * *

It takes Taeil three total days before he hypes himself enough to do it. He thinks about how to do it and what to say. On day four, as he’s in the bus on his way back from work he decides that today’s the day. He gets off on the bus stop after his usual one, and he begins walking in the direction of the bakery. He’s amping himself up all the way there. He’s just gonna ask someone out. It’s not hard. It’s simple actually. Would you like to go out with me. That’s eight incredibly simple words. Mundane even. He uses those words all the time. Just because he’s putting them in an order that’s unusual for him, doesn’t negate how common they are.

This is not a big deal. He keeps repeating that to himself to ease his nerves. It’s surprisingly helpful. Repeating that affirmation results in him having only one moment of overwhelming doubt and said moment remains just that. He doesn’t let it take over his thoughts. It’s not a big deal at all.

By the time he gets to the bakery he’s repeated it so many times that he forgets what he was nervous about in the first place. Nothing to be nervous about. He’s here on a mission.

As he walks into the bakery a familiar face that stands behind the register recognizes him, then greets him with a smile.

“Hi Taeil-hyung. It’s nice to see you.”

Taeil feels a bit bad that he doesn’t know the guy’s name, but that would never stop him from being nice.

“Nice to see you too. How are you?”

“I’m great. How about you?” the guy asks back. The small talk breaks the ice and Taeil feels even more confident than he did a second ago.

“Pretty decent,” Taeil smiles back at the guy. With that, the formalities end, and Taeil can get to what he came here to do, “Is Donghyuck here?”

“Yes, he’s in his office. That door in the back,” the guy tells him and points towards the door in question. 

“I see it. Thank you.”

“No worries,” Taeil hears, but he barely registers it as he’s already walking towards the door. All that separates him from a potential date is that door and eight everyday words. He doesn’t allow himself to think about Donghyuck agreeing, and the actual date itself. Not yet. One step at a time.

He knocks on the door, listening for an answer to come before he opens it.

“Come in,” the words sound borderline sleepy. The complete opposite of the tone of voice Donghyuck uses when Taeil opens the door and takes a step inside. Donghyuck looks up from his paperwork after Taeil closes the door behind himself. “Taeil?” Donghyuck marvels, and he immediately stands up, pushing back his office chair as he does. The chair slides back until it hits the file cabinet behind Donghyuck, the noise surprising Donghyuck so much that he jumps a little.

Taeil’s confused by the reaction.

“Yeah. Hi.”

“Sorry,” Donghyuck says to him, glimpsing back at the chair. He clears his throat, then he admits, “I just didn’t expect to see you.”

“I understand,” Taeil nods. The words are at the tip of his tongue, he’s about to ask it when Donghyuck blurts out a confession.

“I met your friends.”

He’s doe-eyed, with a hint of blush on his cheeks. Taeil forgot why he was interested in the first place, and it wasn’t just the bio that made him laugh. He’s cute. Really freaking cute. In all of his attempts to forget what happened, the only thing Taeil actually forgot was how cute Donghyuck is.

“I know. They’re kind of the reason why I’m here.”

“Oh.” Donghyuck says. Taeil wonders if Donghyuck understands the implication. By the look on his face, he figures the answer is no. He also figures this is the right moment to do what he came here to do.

“Would you like to go out with me?”

There isn’t a pause between the question and Donghyuck’s answer.

“Yes. I’d love to,” Donghyuck says, seconding it with a beaming smile. He blinks a few times, tries to sneakily pinch himself on the arm, but Taeil notices it. Fuck, he's absolutely adorable. Upon seeing all of that Taeil gets a bit lost. He has to remind himself what he came for, mentally giving his own forehead a dock. A date. Set the date up, Moon. 

“Does Saturday evening work for you?”

“I have a meeting, actually. What about Friday evening?”

“I have a press event that I’m throwing for one of the authors I work with.”

“Not the best first date opportunities,” Donghyuck laughs. He relaxes a bit, but it's still an awkward situation, the tension that’s between them only adding to the awkwardness.

“Not at all.”

It sucks that they can’t go out this weekend. They'll have to wait for their schedules to clear up, probably until next week. He got so excited, but now that excitement’s going to have to get in line with the rest of the happy emotions prompted by the nice things that take forever to come true. 

Donghyuck, on the other hand, seems more determined to schedule the date for a sooner date. He shares an idea that Taeil didn’t even think of.

“How about Sunday? Instead of a dinner date, a brunch date. I’ll plan it.”

It doesn’t have to be a dinner date, duh. Taeil hasn’t been on an actual date in so long that he actually forgot that anything can be a date. Not just dinner at an overpriced restaurant. Brunch sounds much better, more like a casual date. For his first date in years, Taeil would rather have a casual one.

“That would be great,” he agrees. He remembers then what the next step is, what he prepared when he was on the bus so he can have it in the event of a positive answer. He digs in his back pocket where he put it so he doesn’t misplace it, then he hands the piece of paper to Donghyuck, “This is my number.”

“I’ll text you so you can save mine.”

“That would be great.”

Donghyuck promises to call him with the details, and Taeil smiles like a lunatic during his entire walk back home. Life’s good again. Life might get even better after this. But that’s a might that Taeil can’t allow himself right now. First he has to see how their date is going to go.

* * *

The call comes on Friday afternoon as he and Jungwoo are leaving work, and heading towards the venue so they can start setting up for the press event. Taeil specifically didn’t tell anything to anyone, not wanting to have to sit through another interrogation like he did when he let it slip that he’s using Tinder. He planned on saying something after the date, once he has an answer to the inevitable question of whether or not there will be a second one.

Donghyuck texted him so he could save the number, as he said he would, but in the excitement of there being an actual text, it completely slipped Taeil’s mind. So he doesn’t exactly know who’s calling at first. He does recognize the voice though.

“Hi, Taeil-hyung.”

This time Donghyuck is using the honorifics that Taeil was so glad he accidentally dropped last time around. If they’re going to have a second date, he’ll bring it up. If they’re going to date, Taeil wants them to be equal in the relationship.

“Oh, hi Donghyuck,” he replies, “How have you been?”

Upon hearing the name, Jungwoo’s face lights up. Taeil can tell that he is ready to tease the shit out of him, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. They’re still walking towards the parking lot, but Jungwoo’s walking backwards now, eyes fixed on Taeil as he becomes really interested in the conversation Taeil’s having.

“Good. How about you?”

“Good as well,” Taeil says, extending his arm to protect himself from Jungwoo’s playful pats on his bicep. Jungwoo has a wide smile across his lips. Taeil feels extremely supported when he sees it.

“I’m calling to confirm that we’re still on for Sunday.”

“Yes, absolutely. I can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” Taeil can hear the smile in Donghyuck’s voice. He imagines it’s as wide as his own, “I made a reservation for brunch. Would it be okay if I come pick you up?”

“That would be great.”

“Okay. Great. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“See you on Sunday,” Taeil returns. That’s his second miscalculation, because Jungwoo’s been gearing up, just looking for the perfect moment to tease him. The mention of Sunday turns out to be what he was looking for.

“Ooh, Sunday,” Jungwoo exclaims. Taeil tries to shush him, but it's far too late.

“Who’s that?” Donghyuck asks him because of course he does, who wouldn’t.

“My friend.”

Jungwoo rolls his eyes at Taeil, which is enough for Taeil to know what follows. Just because he knows doesn’t mean that it’s any less awkward when Jungwoo speaks, loudly enough for Donghyuck to hear from the other side of the phone call.

“I’m his work husband.”

“Ah, I see. Would love to meet him someday,” Donghyuck says, seconding it with a short laugh, “Good luck with the press Taeil-hyung.”

“Good luck with the meeting tomorrow.”

The conversation is over, but Taeil lingers. He listens for something, he isn’t sure what, he just doesn’t know whether or not to hang up. So he waits until Donghyuck does.

Taeil spent the entire conversation with Donghyuck ignoring the faces Jungwoo is making at him. He’s actually excited to go out on his first date in years, and he’s so focused on that, it’s like tunnel vision. But now that the phone call is over, he has to acknowledge the soft but knowing look on Jungwoo’s face.

“Do you need me to come on Saturday and help you pick out an outfit?”

That’s the silliest thing Taeil has heard. Why would he need help dressing himself, he’s not an eight-year-old boy.

“No. I just need you to work your magic tonight.”

“But it’s your first date,” Jungwoo whines, faking a pout.

“It’s literally not a big deal.”

“It literally took eight of us telling you to start dating, and Sicheng-hyung and Ten-hyung making you a Tinder profile, then meddling for this date to happen.”

“I was there. I know. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is.”

“Making things a bigger deal than they are is in my job description. It’s a professional defect,” Jungwoo reminds him.

“More like hamartia. Focus it on your job, Woo.”

* * *

Taeil might have spoken too soon when he rejected Jungwoo’s help, cause it’s Saturday night, and he’s getting nervous about brunch tomorrow so much that what to wear is actually an issue. He didn’t think he’d be taking this thing so seriously. He hadn’t been taking any of it that seriously so far because who cares what he wears and what would make his eye color pop, cause he likes to think that he’s way past those superficial things. He’s an adult for fuck’s sake. But now that the date is so close, he’s getting really tense about it. He wants it to go well. He wants Donghyuck to like him. He wants everything about it to be perfect. Those details become important.

In the past, back when he was in university, he had two first date outfits ready to go. A winter and a summer one. Both were planned to the details because he was counting on him looking good to make the first impression. Those first date outfits always worked like a charm, even when he met his ex. He wishes he still had those clothes, even though over time they got worn-out and out of style. It would give him an idea as to what he can pick now. But they got left behind along with few other things that Taeil didn’t deem essential. Doyoung told him that. Pack what’s essential, clothes aren’t it. You can always buy clothes.

He’s been buying clothes a lot ever since, at least twice a month. He likes spoiling himself now, but what it also results in is that he has an endless supply of clothes that are suitable for work, mostly, and a lot of clothes he just forgets about because they look good in the store, but once he gets home he doesn’t feel too confident in. So he does what he should’ve agreed to the day before, and he asks for help. Jungwoo knows his closet very well, he’s Taeil’s usual partner in shopping crime.

“Let me guess, you’re panicking about what to wear.” It’s the first thing that Jungwoo says after he answers the phone call. Taeil swears that there’s a smirk in Jungwoo’s voice when he speaks.

“Among other things.”

“The date is going to go great, according to Ten-hyung.”

“I don’t trust a word out of his mouth,” Taeil lies. He does, he trusts Ten far too much most of the time. He’s nervous so much about tomorrow though, that the simple thought of Ten being right about it makes him feel uneasiness in his stomach. Ten is right. And then what? He’s dating someone? He’s in a healthy committed relationship? Things get serious? He’s getting married next?

That all sounds nice, but what the actual fuck. Slow down there.

“I do. But it’s just one date. Most first dates lead nowhere,” Jungwoo reminds him. That dot of pessimism is what Taeil needs, it gets him to calm down a bit, “And the answer to what you should wear is the blue sweater you got last month.”

“I forgot about the blue sweater,” Taeil says and stands up. He starts looking through his closet for the sweater with one hand. It has to be here somewhere.

“Just stop freaking out about it. Be yourself, and you’ll be fine,” Jungwoo advises him. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it.

“Easier said than done.”

“But it’s the exact thing you told me the day before I had my first date with Mark. It helped me out a lot.”

“Being nervous is so natural to me right now.”

“Sometimes we all have to do difficult things.”

Jungwoo keeps him on the line for ten more minutes, suggesting pants and jackets that he knows Taeil has. The simplicity of that conversation, where they’re just talking about colors and which shoes he should wear, makes Taeil forget. He’s not concerned for the entirety of the conversation.

He’s just going to do some affirmations in the morning and he’ll be fine. If they worked the other day, then they’re going to work again in the morning.

* * *

He starts off his day with a shower followed by a large cup of tea. He puts on music to listen to in the background while he sits on the couch in the living room in his bathrobe, and waits. He made a schedule in his mind. He has another hour before he should start getting ready for the date. He woke up earlier than he thought he would. He had an alarm set but he still woke up an entire hour before it, so now he has time to kill.

There are no chores or errands for him to run. He’s surprisingly ahead of schedule on his work. The outfit he and Jungwoo put together over the phone is waiting for him on the arm chair in his bedroom. He also prepared his skin care and hair products on the cabinet. He has absolutely nothing left to do. All he can do at this moment is sit and wait for the time to come.

Donghyuck said he was going to come pick Taeil up at half past ten, so Taeil starts getting ready an hour earlier. It never takes him that long, but he goes over everything with a fine-tooth comb, ironing the shirt he’s going to wear under the sweater, making sure his hair looks extra soft, centering the French tuck just perfectly. He finishes getting ready at ten past ten, then he finishes the two remaining sips of tea that have gone cold.

What he moves onto doing next is pacing around the house, getting more and more excited as he counts down the minutes. Luckily, Donghyuck rings on his gate at the time he said he would. Not a minute earlier or a minute later. Taeil’s wait is over.

He grabs his phone, his keys and wallet, once again things that are perfectly laid out, this time on the cabinet near the front door. He quickly goes over the list he made in his head, once he realizes that he has everything he needs, he exits the front door of the house and heads for the gate. Donghyuck’s waiting for him on the outside, leaning against the passenger door of his car. Did Taeil take long to come out?

“Good morning,” he says to Donghyuck who immediately stands up straight. Thankfully, the car won’t move as easy as the chair did. Could you imagine that sound?

“Morning,” Donghyuck greets him back, following it with a kind smile, “Do you have everything you need?”

“Yeah. We can go.”

Taeil can’t help but be flattered at how Donghyuck gets the car door for him. That simple gesture reminds him of what he’s been missing out. He can’t remember the last time someone did that for him. It might not be anything complicated, Jaehyun with his huge romantic gestures would probably tell him that it’s nothing to read into too much, so Taeil doesn’t. But he notes that it happens. He appreciates it. It makes him wonder if what he’s doing is okay. It also makes it official. Moon Taeil is on a date.

“Are you ready?” Donghyuck asks him after he gets in the car too, and Taeil nods, then quickly follows it with an unintentionally audible gulp. He’s on a date. It actually strikes him then. Donghyuck notices something though, because he quickly asks, “Is everything okay? You’ve gone a little pale.”

“Oh.” Oh. Taeil thought he was starting to spiral on the inside only. He wasn’t hiding it well, it turns out. “Sorry. I’m just really nervous. It’s my first date in a while.”

“Me too,” Donghyuck says, an admission that eases Taeil’s mind the slightest bit.

“How long has it been for you?” he asks.

“Just over a year,” Donghyuck says. He then asks a question that Taeil’s frankly embarrassed to answer, “How about you?”

Taeil’s glad that Donghyuck has just started the car engine and they’re not in traffic when he answers.

“Seven years.”

“Oh.” Donghyuck’s ‘oh’ sounds exactly like Taeil’s did just moments ago, “I can’t say it’s the same, then, I guess.”

“It’s not a competition.”

“Good. Cause I hate losing,” Donghyuck jokes. It’s a silly comment that makes Taeil more comfortable than he initially thought he’d be at this point. He only expected to start relaxing once they started eating. There’s something about Donghyuck that makes him feel comfortable, though. Maybe it’s the shared embarrassment over the Tinder thing, maybe it’s Donghyuck’s aloofness. Maybe Taeil’s reading into things because he’s desperately craving the happy ever after he was promised as a kid but never got. He thought he could get it on his own, after what happened, but that proved to be impossible because of what happened. He knew he’d have to do this exact thing someday. Go out and get to know a stranger. He thought it would be scarier than it is. It becomes even less scarier when Donghyuck starts a conversation, not allowing for an awkward silence to build between them. “What got you interested in philosophy?”

That’s a nice, not nosy subject that Taeil would love to discuss. It’s also not what he expected. Intrusive thoughts convinced him that this would go in the opposite direction.

“One of the authors I work for is a philosophy professor, and his novels tend to be connected to some philosophy books, or entire philosophical movements. I read to keep up to speed and have context for his writing,” Taeil explains. Donghyuck’s eyes are focused on the road, but Taeil can tell that he’s paying attention. Taeil’s having a hard time looking away, he still can’t believe where he is and what he’s actually doing, “What about you?”

“My parents really wanted me to go to university even though I didn’t. I was told that philosophy was one of the easier majors, and I like reading, which was a plus. It was fun, I’m glad I chose it,” Donghyuck answers, smiling as he speaks, “What did you major in?”

“Comparative literature. I really love reading fiction, so it suited me.”

“I get it. How long have you been working as an editor?”

“About five years. How long have you owned a bakery?”

Donghyuck pauses, thinking about it.

“Just over three years,” he then answers, turning his head towards Taeil as he does. Their eyes meet for a moment, before Donghyuck returns his focus on the road, and Taeil finally looks away, feeling caught. He was borderline staring the entire time. He was supposed to be casual about it, he planned to look away when Donghyuck looked. Shit. “I was going to open a coffee shop, but when I bought the shop the previous owners offered to throw in the bakery equipment for the same price. So I said fuck it, and started a bakery.”

Luckily, Donghyuck doesn’t seem to mind, he continues with his story, distracting Taeil from the slight embarrassment.

“Do you do a lot of things on a whim like that?”

“Yeah. More than I should, for sure. That’s what keeps life fun, you know.”

“I guess,” Taeil nods. A guess is the best he can go on. He was kind of a planner before, but after that thing happened, planning was the only way he could help himself.

“You like to plan things ahead?” Donghyuck asks him. As Taeil turns his head back towards him, he now catches Donghyuck looking at him, before Donghyuck himself looks away. Oh.

Taeil smiles, on the inside reminding himself not to blush. The stealing glances is a two-way street. The realization sits in him like a storm. It’s not just him that’s interested like that. That’s what’s happening here, right? He’s not just reading into things? Shit. Breathe.

Taeil gulps before he answers.

“I like a good schedule. It keeps me in check.”

Donghyuck smiles, a softer smile. Not like something is funny, more like he’s happy to hear what Taeil is saying.

“I wish I could be that serious,” Donghyuck says, still smiling. Is that smile sarcastic?

“I wish I was more spontaneous,” Taeil returns with an admission of his own.

“It’s not as fun as it sounds. I sometimes make the worst decisions on a whim.”

The words give Taeil a sinking feeling.

“Like what?” he asks. Going on this date?

“Last night I had a business meeting, right?”

Good. It’s not the date then. Taeil, for a moment, wonders if he’s overreacting. Why would Donghyuck go as far as telling his friends that he wants to spend time with Taeil if he actually didn’t. That doesn’t make any sense.

“I recall.”

“It was with this coffee shop across town. They want someone to provide baked goods for them to sell, they don’t have the abilities to make their own. It was a good opportunity to expand,” Donghyuck explains, his focus shifting between the road and Taeil’s face at short moments, making sure that Taeil’s following. Taeil tries his best not to get caught staring again, so he plays it more casual. He’s still looking though, remembering. His first date in years. He’s so lucky.

“Yeah, I understand. It’s important to grow a business,” Taeil offers.

“Exactly. Well, on paper, everything looked decent. What they were offering was pretty standard, and they also offered to package everything with our packaging so people will know that it comes from our bakery. I had been going over the numbers, talking it over with every single employee, and last night I went there to talk over a few details, but mostly to agree. Thing is, I got there, and the way this owner spoke and acted put me off. I got this weird gut feeling, something just didn’t feel right. In the end, I turned him down,” Donghyuck says and shrugs, “Renjun is so angry with me. The one opportunity to grow the business.”

Taeil thinks about it. The gut feeling reminds him of the type of gut feeling that Ten gets. Much like Ten’s gut feeling, Donghyuck’s is correct.

“I think you made the right call,” he tells Donghyuck, surprising him with his statement.

“Really?” he asks back, a look of wonderment on his face. Taeil likes that look, it suits him.

“If I’m allowed to make a comparison, it’s like selling movie rights.”

“I’m all ears,” Donghyuck smiles at him, so Taeil grows more eager to give his explanation. He can’t believe that a smile is enough. Taeil can’t wait to concern Doyoung when he tells him how easy he’s become.

“In publishing, when you sell the movie rights for a book, the author just gets the sum of money that you sell the movie rights for. It’s not astronomical, but it’s more than what they make from just publishing a book. If they are involved in the production as a consultant, then they also get what a consultant earns, which isn’t a lot,” he says, “However, if the author puts in their own money in the movie and become a producer, the benefits they can reap from that endeavor are so much larger than what they could’ve originally made.” Taeil tries not to go into too many details and start boring Donghyuck. He still tries his best to explain it well, hoping that he’s getting his point across. “They maybe would’ve gotten the bakery name out there, but they also would’ve made some of the profit. Why split the profit when it’s your employees that do the work?”

Donghyuck goes quiet for a few moments, considering Taeil’s opinion.

“Why be a consultant when you can be a producer,” he concludes, allowing his smile to grow wider, “That’s great advice.”

“I’m glad I could help,” Taeil smiles back.

“Calling it help is an understatement. I’m going to quote you for weeks now,” Donghyuck follows it with a chuckle, “We discussed my meeting, tell me about your press thing.”

“It went really well. The reviews have been good so far. And the pre-order numbers are looking really decent too, so I’m not worried. I think it’s going to sell out. I’m really happy about the outcome, we put a lot of work into the book.”

“I’m happy that you’re happy.” Taeil doesn’t want to read into it. But it sounds so… perfect? It gives him butterflies in his stomach. He’s most definitely going to make Doyoung worry when he tells him about this. “What’s the book about?”

“It’s this really fun psychological thriller about a family that moves into a house in the middle of nowhere, and weird things start happening to them.”

“That sounds like a horror book.”

Yeah, exactly.

“But is it?”

“Ah. I get it,” Donghyuck laughs. It’s a nice laugh that sounds like a melody.

Taeil gets to hear it many times during brunch. They don’t talk about anything serious, keeping to vanilla subjects that break all ice. All that’s left from the ice are a handful of chips melting underneath the heat of Donghyuck’s smile.

Taeil feels like he’s getting spoiled. Donghyuck opens the door, holds his chair, fills up his cup. He gives him compliments and asks about opinions. He’s appreciative. He’s not pushy. It’s better than the best Taeil’s ever had because he doesn’t feel like he’s under pressure at all. It’s just a first date.

But it does end with an invitation for a second.

* * *

  
  


It’s not like he thought for a moment that Jungwoo didn’t tell anyone, he’s actually pretty sure that all of his friends already know. But once Hyuck drops him off and he gets back home he feels as though it’s time to officially let the cat out of the bag. He tells his friends that he went out on a date, he tells them that it went well and that they’re going to be a second one. That’s all they need to know.

He doesn’t mind that they’re faking shock in the responses. He’s too happy to think about that.

* * *

After the second date there is a third. A week after their third they’ve been on a total of seven dates, they text all the time, and Taeil can’t stop smiling to the point where people at work ask him about it.

Life’s better now. Life might even become best after this.


	6. doyoung and jaehyun

When Jaehyun first met Doyoung and got introduced to his friends he was overwhelmed. They were all so close, they had inside jokes and years of memories. Jaehyun was the odd man out. But he figured that Doyoung was worth it, so he decided to power through it. He was going to make them like him. He was going to beg if he had to. But he wasn’t going to ask for Doyoung’s help at all. He’s made friends before, how hard can it be?

For some inexplicable reason, it was extremely hard. His attempts were worthless, it was as though there was intentional pushback. A hazing ritual of sorts. It was that way until Jaehyun met Taeil.

When he and Doyoung first started dating, Taeil was already stuck in the worst kind of relationship one can find themselves in. He didn’t spend too much time with his friends, they saw him on the rarest of occasions. A rarity in the system is how Jaehyun started fitting in.

The day he met Taeil-hyung he showed up with a bruise on his forearm that Jaehyun didn’t want to say anything about. He just met the guy, he didn’t want to be rude, he had no idea what was going on. After he joined them in the restaurant and said his hellos, he situated himself right next to Jaehyun and started a conversation. He got the pleasantries out of the way quickly, and started asking Jaehyun about things he mentioned as passing details, not expecting them to become a subject to talk about. Taeil made Jaehyun feel comfortable. Taeil also made Jaehyun feel comfortable with everyone else.

He must have noticed that Jaehyun wasn’t engaging with the rest of the group as much because he took it upon himself to speak up.

“Are you guys doing that cold-shoulder thing we promised each other we wouldn’t do. I leave you alone for five minutes and this happens…” Taeil shook his head at the group, “Listen here, Jaehyunnie. Sicheng and Ten argue about stupid things on the daily. The best way to survive that is to give them a third option that they can further fight about, cause they appreciate any input. It’s foreplay for them. Taeyong cries about how the royal family killed Lady D every time he gets drunk. Johnny was part of the flat-earth group in college, that's why those two are together. Doyoung gets too passionate about everything, especially things that aren’t important, but I’m sure you already figured that out. Doie, your boyfriend’s a keeper, don’t let these four act like this anymore. None of you let me down.”

A silence surrounded the table after that, everyone feeling slightly exposed by Taeil who did it with a few sentences and a smile on his face. Jaehyun knew what Taeil did, he gave him the answer to how to make the group like him on a silver platter. He knew exactly what to say just then.

“Of course the royal family killed Lady D. It was exactly what they needed to happen. It was too perfect for it to be a random accident,” Jaehyun said, earning an even wider smile from Taeil.

Moon Taeil resembled the last storm of the rainy season. After him, there was only sunny weather. He came in and out of their lives for a few years, but then shit hit the fan, and Jaehyun felt guilt. He noticed a few things. He saw signs. He kept his mouth shut and appreciated the time they spent together.

Jaehyun was part of the problem.

Only after they all found out what was going on did Jaehyun connect the dots. He realized why Taeil said what he said the first time they met. He thought about it with the new context and realized that it sounded like a goodbye. And he started feeling guiltier.

He let Taeil-hyung down.

* * *

When Jaehyun walks into the kitchen that morning Doyoung is already there, sitting with elbows propped up on the counter, a cup of coffee going cold in front of him as he keeps staring at his phone. Jaehyun’s good morning greeting goes unanswered, taking the younger by surprise. A minute later he finds himself purposefully recalling the dream he had the previous night, explaining it in great detail and only earning ‘hm’s and ‘wow’s from his husband. Doyoung isn’t paying any attention to him.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Jaehyun asks. He doesn’t expect anything resembling a decent answer, but he still gets one.

“What do you want?” Doyoung asks back, then returns his focus on his phone. Jaehyun notices the exact moment when Doyoung goes back to barely listening.

“I was thinking waffles.”

“Great,” Doyoung returns flatly, and Jaehyun decides it’s the right moment to test the waters.

“With bacon mouth, blueberry eyes and whipped cream hair,” he jokes.

“Sounds nice.”

“Cilantro on top.”

“Delicious.”

“Doyoung, look at me,” Jaehyun says, reaching out for Doyoung’s face. He places his fingers underneath his chin, prompting the older to finally look up, “What’s going on?”

“I wonder how it’s going,” Doyoung says. No more details are needed, Jaehyun knows exactly what he’s talking about, “I’m gonna text him.”

“Honey, I think you’re spiraling.”

Doyoung looks at him through narrowed eyes.

“Thank you Captain Obvious.”

Jaehyun is tempted to roll his eyes. Moments like this one, when he has to baby Doyoung aren’t unheard of. They’re just uncomfortable. Doyoung is the mature one in their relationship. But when he gets worried like this, he turns into a little kid. He needs things to be pointed out because he gets really transfixed by the issue or worry until there is a conclusion to it. Jaehyun expects that it’ll be the same today. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to try to get Doyoung to relax a bit. He doesn’t want to spend the entire day missing his own husband even though they’re under the same roof just cause Doyoung is too busy worrying about things that are out of his control.

“We’re all worried. You saw what Jungwoo texted last night. Taeil was freaking out so he asked for help. If you text him you remind him that he has something to worry about. He’ll tell us how it went after the date ends,” Jaehyun explains. He cannot believe that he’s being the voice of reason, he’s so used to Doyoung being the one to put out fires. He remembers how close he was to letting guilt sabotage his life back then, until Doyoung reminded him. If someone should feel guilty, it should be all of them, not just Jaehyun because he noticed something. In moments like these, when the tables have turned, Jaehyun knows that he and Doyoung balance each other out. Doyoung will always get too invested when it comes to Taeil because they have been each other’s best friend for years before Jaehyun came into the equation, “Not to mention, the only reason we know about the date is because Jungwoo was there when the guy called. He obviously didn’t want us to know because he knows how you get. How we all get, but you especially.”

“You’re right,” Doyoung finally admits. He lets out a deep breath, fighting with the urge to stare at his phone, but he’s still holding it in his line of sight. If it wasn’t getting old quickly Jaehyun would find it adorable. This isn’t adorable anymore.

“I know that I’m right,” he tells Doyoung. He’s once again forced to physically prompt for Doyoung’s attention in order to get a crumb of it. This time he opts out for snapping his fingers until Doyoung looks up again, “Put down your phone, come over here and help me make breakfast.”

“Don’t boss me around when we’re not in bed.”

“I’ll boss you around when you’re acting like this.”

Doyoung’s facial expression softens before he speaks again.

“I really want things to go well for him.”

Thing is, Jaehyun knows exactly what he’s playing at. It’s nothing new. Doyoung has a bit of an ego, a well deserved one, but an ego nevertheless. Jaehyun loves him for it usually, it makes him more confident. He doesn’t love him for it when he uses it against him or any of their friends.

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s only you. None of us give a shit.” He sees it on Doyoung’s face and cuts him off before he can do anything. “Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me, you know damn well how ridiculous you sounded.”

“Sorry. I’m being selfish. I’m not the only person in Taeil’s life. I'm just the one that…”

“Hey,” Jaehyun cuts him off, afraid of where his husband’s headed, “Shush. Stop taking too much credit.”

“I hate it when you do that.”

“Put you in your place?” Jaehyun queries, then waits until Doyoung nods at him, reluctantly, “Someone has to.”

Doyoung isn’t too pleased with Jaehyun, but he does as told. He stands up, and walks behind the counter. He cracks his fingers before he reaches out for the apron, keeping a grumpy expression on his face.

Being called out like that brings Doyoung back to the decent self Jaehyun fell in love with him for, and for the remainder of the cooking and the breakfast, they have no issues. Jaehyun is aware that it’s not going to last long, by the time they finish their meal Doyoung is starting to drift away with his thoughts, checking his phone obsessively. Jaehyun is also aware that it’s not going to end until Taeil’s date ends and he decides to share about it. Or the moment when Doyoung gets fed up and he calls Taeil to ask. So Jaehyun moves on with the rest of his Sunday, checking things off his to-do list, but mostly in anticipation.

He picks up Doyoung’s slack that day. Does the dishes, changes the bedding, vacuums while the laundry is going, all while Doyoung sits in the living room, switching between pretending to do paperwork and checking his phone for an update.

It’s two hours later when it finally arrives. Must’ve been one hell of a date, if it lasted that long. Good for Taeil. What’s not so good is that it arrives at a bad moment. Jaehyun only hears that Doyoung is calling after him from the hallway because he turns off the water so he can soap himself up.

“Honey?”

“I’m in the shower. Is it urgent?”

Instead of giving him an answer Doyoung just barges into the bathroom then opens the shower door. Jaehyun can’t complain about the lack of personal space, it’s not like they weren’t in a similar position just last night, but it’s still awkward.

“Taeil texted,” Doyoung announces, then takes out his phone to read Jaehyun the text, “The date went really well. We’re going out again on Friday.”

“Sweetheart, can’t you see that I’m showering.”

Doyoung completely dismisses him.

“It’s good news.”

“I heard,” Jaehyun sighs, “Don’t celebrate too wildly. It’s more Ten’s achievement than it is yours.”

It’s in that exact moment that Doyoung gets back to normal, Jaehyun knows for sure because Doyoung immediately sasses him back.

“No, no. Use the honorifics or I’m telling on you.”

He’s happy to oblige.

“It’s Ten-hyung’s achievement.”

“Thank you,” Doyoung smirks at him, “Do you need help showering?”

“Not today, Satan,” Jaehyun returns before he yanks the shower door closed.

* * *

Doyoung doesn’t enjoy being the guy that gets hung up over details, gets too focused, and is a bit controlling. It comes naturally to him, that’s true, but he does his best to fight it. It’s not a nice characteristic to have, so he tries not to have it. The only place where he fails with it is when it comes to his job. In order for him to be able to help someone he needs the details and the focus. He needs the people he’s helping to follow his advice when they come to him. Over time, as he begins to trust them, he lets go of most of his control. They come from that usually, that’s what they’re trying to escape, and he isn’t there so he can be part of the problem. He’s there to help, guide them through their transition back to regular society where they are free and out of harm's way. He loves when he’s able to see progress and finally call it a success.

He adopted that same attitude when it came to helping Taeil. It was the hardest thing he had to do, he aims to not be that person when he’s around his friends, but Taeil needed him to bring out his professional side. The more Taeil got to the self Doyoung got to know him for, the more he dropped that approach. The silver lining was that Taeil was so set on moving on with his life and getting better that he started the process even before he told Doyoung what was going on. He found a job that he lied about having to everyone, he put money aside and figured out where he could stay once he got his life back. He only came to Doyoung for help to pull it off, then trusted him when Doyoung changed his plans a tiny bit. Taeil was traumatized, but he wasn’t helpless. He wasn’t the worst case scenario, he was kind of the best. It just took him a whole lot of time to trust his own intuition enough to get himself to enjoy the things any normal person would enjoy. Like going out with friends, going out on his own. Dating took the longest, and it took one last push with a boost of confidence from the friends he trusts the most.

Taeil seems fine with dating now.

That doesn’t mean that Doyoung doesn’t wonder about it. Especially because that one date turns into two. Then the second turns into another, and another, and another. Before any of them know it, it’s been three weeks since the first date, they’re seeing each other every few days, and to Doyoung, Taeil seems mostly unbothered. He forces himself not to ask about it all month long. In the end though, curiosity gets the best of him, and he does.

“How are things with you and Donghyuck?”

Doyoung can’t help it. He needs to know. Taeil’s been unusually silent about the subject and Doyoung can only keep quiet for so long.

It’s Saturday, they’re having lunch after Taeil finishes volunteering, a standing meeting with just the two of them. They normally talk about their week and the things they have done. Doyoung’s been on his best behavior, not bringing up any subject he’s not supposed to. But it’s been three weeks. Doyoung can’t be a good boy anymore. He needs to poke the lion a bit. That’s what these lunches are for, anyway.

“Pretty good,” Taeil says, seconding it with a shrug.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not sure how exactly romantic things are, but it doesn’t feel like nothing,” Taeil explains, but his explanation only makes Doyoung want to ask more questions, “I also feel like being removed from those types of feelings for so long has made me unable to deal with them properly. Which I kind of think is for the better, cause of what happened last time. I won’t get too far ahead of myself,” Taeil’s thinking out loud, Doyoung can tell. He’s happy that he can be here to witness it, it tells him exactly what to ask, “Bottom line, we’re taking it slow.”

Now, how does he go about this without being too nosy?

“How slow exactly? Cause you’re not sure if they’re romantic, and I don’t mean to pry, I just…”

“We haven’t kissed yet,” Taeil cuts him off, saying the words flatly. There’s uncertainty on his face, Doyoung notes.

He wonders why. Taeil is slightly less tactile than most of the people Doyoung knows, but he’s not a prude. Back in college Taeil was quite open about his sex life. He enjoys affection, he just has a limit. Like any introvert, Taeil gets overwhelmed by social interactions, Doyoung gets it. So why is it going slow now?

There is one potential answer that Doyoung can think of. He needs a bit more information though.

“Have you told him about what happened?”

“No. Not yet. It just hasn’t come up.”

Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Why haven’t they kissed yet?

“I understand. No one’s forcing you to do it.”

In Doyoung’s experience it is normal not to want to talk about it and to find it uncomfortable. Taeil isn’t special when it comes to that. It’s not something that goes away over time.

“I know. But I think I should do it sooner than later. I’m overdue a panic attack, and I don’t want to freak him out.”

“Whatever feels right to you.”

Taeil nods, accepting what Doyoung says. But something bothers him, it seems, so soon after he asks.

“We’re not going too slow, are we?”

It’s the type of question that someone who’s new with dating would probably ask. It’s not what Doyoung expects Taeil to ask.

“I don’t know. Every relationship is different. That’s maybe something you should ask Donghyuck.”

“Right. Of course. Duh. That makes sense.”

Doyoung isn’t sure why he does it, but he still does it. He puts his work clothes on for just a single question.

“Would that be something that you’d be comfortable discussing with him?”

Taeil reads right through him, it’s in the expression on his face. The slightly narrowed eyes and furrowed eyebrows scream that Doyoung’s been caught.

“Don’t therapize me too much, Doie.” he gives him a smile before he genuinely responds, “I feel comfortable discussing everything with him. Except that one thing, but it’s not because of Hyuck, it's more cause… I just don’t like talking about it,” he admits, “He’s really nice. And he’s funny too. We have fun and I feel so happy around him. That subject is just a killjoy.”

It is. Just mentioning it casually like this brings the mood down between them.

“I get it. And I’m happy for you,” Doyoung replies. He has been worrying about whether or not Taeil’s feeling well in his new relationship. Hearing this is like music to his ears. So Doyoung gets to say what he’s wanted to say for years. “You do look really happy. I like seeing you like this. It’s been a while.”

“A really long while. Longer than it should’ve been.” Taeil says it and smiles right after. Doyoung realizes it then, and he makes the observation out loud.

“Your entire attitude is changed. You’re coming out of your shell again.”

Taeil shrugs, giving a facial expression that makes it seem like he’s considering it. He then replies in the most nonchalant tone of voice Doyoung has ever heard him use.

“I can’t stay a snail my whole life. Gotta slug it out a bit.”

“Moon Taeil, was that a joke about you getting over your traumas?” Doyoung questions, surprise evident on his face. Taeil nods a yes with a goofy smile on his face. “I live to see the day.”

* * *

Doyoung may or may not be rushing to get home to tell Jaehyun all about it. He gets in the house and immediately rushes upstairs. He finds Jaehyun in their bedroom, half-lying on their bed with a pile of papers that need grading. His usual Saturday afternoon setup.

“You’re not gonna believe what happened today.” He skips the hellos, he doesn’t even take off his coat or even his shoes, he just gets straight to the point. A miracle happened, and he needs to tell his husband all about it. “I was talking to Taeil about him and Donghyuck.”

Jaehyun puts the paper he’s holding down on the bed, then he clicks the pen to close it. He looks at Doyoung with his soft, innocent eyes, and he sighs before he answers.

“I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t ask until Illie’s ready to tell us. You made us all promise,” Jaehyun says. Doyoung rolls his eyes. He doesn’t appreciate the concern in Jaehyun’s tone. He actually knows what he’s doing here.

“Anyway, we were talking about how he’s been relaxing more and more lately. And he made a joke.”

Jaehyun looks at him the same way he did moments ago. It’s like he said something completely unremarkable. Doyoung realizes he’ll have to explain it in great detail to get the point across.

“Yeah, and? He makes tons of jokes, like all the time.”

The is no change on Jaehyun’s face and Doyoung’s getting frustrated with the lack of excitement he’s getting.

“Just listen,” Doyoung insists, walking around to the other side of the bed and he sits down on the bed next to Jaehyun’s feet, “I said he’s starting to come out of his shell, and he compared himself to a slug. This is huge.”

Jaehyun sighs again, scooting closer to his husband. “I believe you.”

“You should be really happy about this.”

“I am. I’m just concerned about how invested you are in this. What are you up to?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Doyoung asks back. The questions feel like an attack, but the look on Jaehyun’s face is one of concern. Maybe Doyoung’s completely off, it’s not an attack.

“I feel like you’re just waiting for things to go wrong for him.”

Or maybe Doyoung is not too far off after all.

He’s taken aback cause Jaehyun doesn’t look angry at all. He’s surprisingly calm. He just looks concerned. It’s a mature conversation between spouses. He doesn’t want this to turn into a fight, so Doyoung decides not to escalate it.

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“This is the first time he’s been involved with anyone since he got away from that abusive asshole. I’m just making sure that he doesn’t get freaked out by anything, I always see it happen to the people I work with. I don’t want it to happen to Illie,” Doyoung explains, watching the entire time as Jaehyun carefully listens to him, Jaehyun’s eyes examining every millimeter of Doyoung’s face.

“I understand,” Jaehyun replies, “Don’t take it all on yourself, though. Remember that there are seven more people with the same concerns. You take on too much.”

Oh. Doyoung was ready to fight over absolutely nothing.

He can’t deny that he takes on a lot of responsibilities. He does forget that he can rely on his friends for this. He took them to enough lectures and seminars that they have all the information. They know enough and they know Taeil well enough to help him if he needs it.

“Yeah, I keep forgetting that part.”

“I know,” Jaehyun nods, offering Doyoung an embrace by spreading his arms. That’s the thing Doyoung can’t resist most. A hug.

* * *

Hanging at Taeil’s now happens every two weeks. His house is the largest, it fits all of them perfectly. It’s at one of those visits that they expose Taeil.

There have been times that none of them expected to actually see Taeil moving on, even though it was what they were hoping for. Taeil would push past their questions and hints, looking particularly disinterested in dating. Now that it’s actually happening, it’s surreal to the lot, Jaehyun can testify to that. It’s especially surreal to see Taeil acting caught after Johnny finds a book that he deems interesting and wants to borrow, and Taeil doesn’t want to share it because Donghyuck gave it to him as a gift for their one month anniversary.

“It’s so silly,” Taeil says, looking really shy about it with how he avoids looking any of them in the eye.

“Hyung, you’re blushing,” Jaehyun tells him, and on reflex, Taeil touches his cheeks with his hands, covering the growing redness. He can’t hide his ears at the same time though, and they’re enough of a tell.

“Am I?” his smile grows wider.

“Now it makes me really curious to meet this Donghyuck guy. Spoiling you with monthiversary gifts,” Taeyong says to him. Taeil has grown much redder since he covered his face, they all see it as he drops his arms back onto his lap. This is the best thing Jaehyun has seen Taeil do in years.

“What did you get him?” Johnny then asks, his sentence dripping with mockery.

“I didn’t know we were doing gifts, so I didn’t get him anything.”

“Maybe you can get him two on your next monthiversary,” Jungwoo seems to be joking, but that bit doesn’t register with Taeil.

“That’s a good idea,” he responds.

“We can’t even make fun of you for this,” Johnny says to him.

“Why not? I’m a thirty something thinking about what monthiversary gift to get the guy my friends fixed me up with. It’s fucking hilarious.”

“Would you look at that,” Doyoung says, bringing back the point he was making days ago. Taeil feels comfortable now. So comfortable that he makes jokes about his situation.

Jaehyun shares his husband’s excitement now.

“I never thought this would be happening to me.”

“Are we ever gonna meet this guy?” Taeyong asks.

“Let them DTR first, for fuck’s sake,” Mark answers before Taeil can.

“DTR? Oh, come on, we’re not teenagers,” Taeil returns. Oblivious. He’s so oblivious.

“You’re acting like teenagers, what are we supposed to think,” Johnny points out the obvious, his statement met by chuckles from everyone in Taeil’s living room, all the while Taeil’s face becomes red again.

* * *

Another thing that Doyoung keeps forgetting, besides how he can rely on his friends to be there for Taeil too, is how correct Taeil’s gut can be about some things. He might have been wrong about his ex, but he is right about his own health.

Just two weeks after Taeil tells him that he’s overdue a panic attack, he gets one. The tragedy of it though is that it happens while he’s out on a date with Donghyuck. Just like he predicted.

They have a strategy in place for when Taeil gets one of his awful panic attacks. He has an app on his phone that he uses whenever it gets really bad. He touches a button and it sends a message to Doyoung. Upon receiving it, Doyoung calls him to find out what’s going on and where he is. Then, if needed, Doyoung or one of their friends rushes to Taeil’s defense.

This time, when Doyoung calls Taeil’s phone, it’s an unknown voice that he assumes is Donghyuck that answers the call and tells him Taeil wants him to come. Doyoung immediately thinks of the worst, scenarios start popping up in his head.

“Where are you at the moment?”

“The park near Taeil’s house. I’ll send you the location.”

“We’ll be there in ten minutes,” Doyoung promises.

“Ten minutes,” he can hear Donghyuck pass the information to Taeil, “We’ll be here.”

Doyoung hangs up before the threat he thinks of leaves his lips, and he starts rushing around the house, looking for those damn car keys that he keeps misplacing. Jaehyun finds them for him, and they’re on their way. Doyoung wants to rush there, but Jaehyun knows him well enough to let him drive. It’s not his first rodeo.

When they get to the park it seems as though Taeil has mostly calmed down. He’s sitting next to Donghyuck, presumably. Quite a first meeting.

Doyoung gets less worried the moment he sees them together, half of all those scary scenarios he thought about immediately disappearing from his head. Donghyuck’s holding Taeil’s hand with both of his, his entire body is turned towards him. They’re chatting a bit, but more important than all of that, Taeil seems calmer than Doyoung expected him to be. It can’t be something Donghyuck had done, this happened because of something else.

“Hi.” Doyoung greets them out of obligation to play nice, then gets to the point, “Where are we at right now?”

“The worst is over.”

“What happened?”

“I had a bit of a flashback.”

The next question that Doyoung wants to ask is whether or not Taeil figured out what triggered it. Doyoung always aims to figure out what triggered the panic attacks of the people he works with. That way they know what to work on, or what to avoid. It gives back some control.

“Let’s take a walk. Jae?”

Jaehyun nods, understanding what his role is now.

“I’m gonna stay here and introduce myself,” he announces.

“Thank you,” Taeil tells him. He then nods approval at Donghyuck who nods back and lets go of his hand. He stands up, walking away with Doyoung. It’s up to Jaehyun to make friends now, something he really enjoys doing. After joining the friend group, finally, thanks to Taeil, he swore he’d never let anyone be in the position he was in back then. He helped Jungwoo, and then Mark fit in. Now he’ll do the same for Donghyuck.

“I’m Jaehyun,” he introduces himself, as he sits down on the park bench next to Taeil’s boyfriend.

“I’m Hyuck,” he introduces himself too. But he has something else on his mind, because of course he does. He asks a question that Jaehyun knows exactly how to answer, “What’s going on?”

“Taeil has a smidgen of trauma.”

“That much I gathered.”

“May I ask what happened?”

“We went grocery shopping, we grabbed a coffee, everything was fine. Taeil wanted to walk for a bit, so we asked the cab driver to drop us off here. Then he started hyperventilating, and we stopped.” Hyuck explains. He follows it with another question that Jaehyun expects. It’s the exact question that he himself asked the first time Taeil had a panic attack in front of him. “Do you think it was something I did?”

“Last time he had a panic attack it was while we were watching an Adam Sandler movie. It’s nothing to do with what he’s doing, sometimes it just happens.”

This is something that Jaehyun knows from experience. Sure, Doyoung tries to help him figure out what it is, but more often than not Taeil’s flashbacks and panic attacks don’t have an immediate trigger. Sometimes they’re prompted by something that happened hours to days before. He’s read enough of Doyoung’s work books to know that it’s different for everyone.

“He’ll be okay, right? He’s okay?” Hyuck then asks.

“Yeah. Of course. They’re becoming less and less frequent,” Jaehyun responds. He doesn’t want to say the exact thing he’s thinking. He doesn’t want to tell Hyuck how much he’s helped Taeil in the few weeks that they’ve known each other because he doesn’t want to put that pressure on him. It’s not his role either. That’s something Taeil should say. Instead, what Jaehyun can do is express a wish he has, “I really hope this doesn’t spook you.”

“No. Not at all. Everyone has their own baggage.”

“I’m happy to hear that.”

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows when he hears that.

“That’s like the bare minimum, hyung. What kind of asshole did he date before if you’re happy to hear that?”

“I’m sure Illie will tell you all about it.”


	7. donghyuck

The curse of Hyuck’s tendency to fall in love at first sight is that he doesn’t know enough about the guys he chooses. And a lot of why he has bad luck when it comes to his love life has to do with the fact that he goes for unavailable guys. Guys who are very hot when he sees them first, but are emotionally unavailable. Guys who are in relationships. Guys who are not interested in him or are too focused on their careers. Guys who deem him not ambitious enough. Guys who find him annoying. That seems to be his type, so it’s what he always expects.

But with Taeil it’s different. It’s not rushed, it’s not forced either. Taeil doesn’t change him, he kind of encourages him to be his weird self, babbling about things, cracking weird jokes, getting invested quickly. Hyuck realizes this while they’re out for coffee, and he starts talking about the new recipes Yuta’s been trying, and how well they taste. He keeps babbling about ingredients and about cake decorations, but Taeil keeps asking about more details. Taeil listens. He doesn’t interrupt. Taeil doesn’t mind. And just like that an hour has flown by. 

Things with him move much slower than Hyuck is used to, but that isn’t a bad thing. He’s gone headfirst way too many times. With Taeil it’s attention and spending time together, and while it’s nothing out of the ordinary, it still feels fun. There might not be long make-outs or sex, not that Hyuck would complain if they were, but there is a mature relationship and enough tension that proves to Hyuck that it’s more than a friendship. One where Hyuck doesn’t feel like there is a threat of it going south at any given moment. One where, in a miracle, Hyuck feels appreciated and accepted.

Taeil goes out of his way to set a dynamic between them where Hyuck knows they’re equals, and knows he can talk to Taeil about anything. It’s still too early for either of them to say that they know everything about each other, far from it. But Hyuck wants to get there.

This, so far, is the healthiest relationship that he’s ever been in. It’s the last thing he thought would happen when the hot stranger introduced himself to him as Taeil from Tinder and Hyuck got that feeling in his stomach.

* * *

He doesn’t, not even for a moment, think that there might be a reason why Taeil is slightly more reserved than most people when it comes to touching and PDA. He only realizes it when they’re walking to Taeil’s house after a really fun shopping trip, and Taeil starts hyperventilating.

It catches Hyuck off guard to the point where he’s close to starting to hyperventilate himself. But he reminds himself that he can’t do that to Taeil so a different instinct kicks in. He guides Taeil to the nearest bench in the park, and helps him sit down. Hyuck kneels in front of him, places his hands on both of his knees.

“What can I do?” he asks, purposefully trying to keep his voice calm so he doesn’t add onto Taeil’s panic. Taeil looks at him, starts trying to copy Hyuck’s breathing rhythm. Hyuck catches on, urging him on by breathing loudly. Once he calms down a bit, Taeil takes his phone, signaling his friends through an emergency app.

This has happened in the past. More than once.

“Doyoung will call. Tell him to come,” Taeil tells him. If that’s what he needs, then that’s exactly what Hyuck will do.

Taeil calms down even more as they wait for his friend to arrive, assuring Hyuck that he’s fine. Hyuck can’t forget it that easily though. He holds Taeil’s hand, hoping that him being there and that little physical contact will help him more.

Hyuck doesn’t know exactly what prompts him to do it, but once Taeil’s breathing calms down he apologizes for scaring him. Hyuck was, he is scared. But it’s not something Taeil should apologize for. He tells him exactly that. The tension in Taeil’s shoulders deflates a bit, as he offers a glimpse of a smile in response.

They sit in silence for a bit, Taeil’s friends are luckily really quick. Hyuck doesn’t want to let go then either, he only does it because Taeil nods approval. He’ll be fine, a statement that’s only confirmed by Taeil’s friend.

With what happened, and what Jaehyun-hyung says, as suspicion rises in Hyuck.

“That’s like the bare minimum, hyung. What kind of asshole did he date before if you’re happy to hear that?” he asks.

“I’m sure Illie will tell you all about it.”

Right. Of course. It’s no one’s place to do that except Taeil. But at least he has a clue of what happened in the past. Though, what happened doesn’t really matter as much as making sure that it never happens again. Hyuck is going to do exactly that.

Pushing aside the reason why they’re there, the interaction with Taeil’s friends is a pleasant one. Jaehyun-hyung keeps him distracted from the worry while Taeil’s talking to Doyoung-hyung nearby.

“Better hyung?” Jaehyun-hyung asks Taeil when they join them again.

“Yeah. Absolutely,” Taeil answers. That, and the look he gives Hyuck bring him ease.

“We’ll drop you guys off, come on,” Doyoung-hyung tells them, his expression much softer than it was when Hyuck first saw him.

That’s exactly what they do. Taeil’s the one that reaches out for Hyuck’s hand, holds him close during the really short drive to his house.

It feels easier, Hyuck is less nervous. But there is still uneasiness that sits in his stomach like a knot. It’s about an hour after he sees Taeil have a panic attack, and now he’s sitting on Taeil’s couch, the older pacing in front of him.

Taeil has still to tell him anything, and he seems to have some doubts about it. 

“Maybe it would help you if you sat down,” he attempts. Taeil looks at him and nods, quickly walking over to the couch and sitting next to him. He takes in a deep breath. At that moment, Hyuck decides to remind him. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it. I don’t have to know.”

What’s more important is that Taeil is okay.

“I want to tell you,” he insists.

“Then take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s just hard because I don’t like talking about it,” Taeil tells him, his voice becoming more serious and lower in volume when he does. Hyuck can see the discomfort on his face, so he tries to calm him down.

“Whatever it is, I doubt it’ll change how I feel.”

Taeil nods again. He clears his throat, looking away for a moment as if he’s working for the proper words.

“My ex was abusive. Psychologically, mostly.” Mostly? What? “It started off great, the entire honeymoon phase, and a whole lot of empty promises. But a few months in, when it started escalating I was already stuck,” Taeil says. Hyuck can’t believe what he’s hearing. “The worst thing was that to everyone it seemed great. He had enamored everyone in my life so much that even if I tried telling someone that something wasn’t right, no one believed me. They weren’t seeing me as much, but my ex always made it seem like we were out doing something, being in love and not having time. The isolation from the people in my life just added onto what I was made to feel. He played into the insecurities I already had and he made me doubt and hate myself even more. He made me believe I was a horrible person and he was the only one that could love me. Over time, things started getting more and more physical. I started lying, got a job, made things worse for myself.” The more Taeil shares, the sadder Hyuck feels, a horrible feeling of tightening in his chest. Moon Taeil is the strongest person he’s ever known. No one deserves such a thing to happen to them, but Moon Taeil especially. He didn’t deserve it. “After a really bad beating, I got in a cab, went to Doyoung and Jaehyun. I already had a plan, but Doyoung knew better. He knew what to do to help me.”

Hyuck lets the words sink in, looking at Taeil as a silence builds between them. Donghyuck doesn’t allow it to linger for a long time.

“Can I give you a hug?” he asks him. Taeil nods permission and is already scooting over. Hyuck wraps his arms around Taeil and Taeil does the same. He holds him for a few moments before he speaks. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be normal,” Taeil returns, causing Hyuck to jerk his head back. He doesn’t want to let go of the hug though.

“You are normal.”

“With a hint of trauma and PTSD,” Taeil smiles at him.

“I sleepwalk. It has a lot to do with my childhood, but that’s for some other day. What I’m trying to say is we all have our own thing, it doesn’t make you any less normal.”

Taeil studies his face, once again figuring out what to say. What he does say is the last thing Hyuck expects to hear.

“I’m gonna kiss you now,” he says, but waits for Hyuck’s answer before he does.

“You should know that once you do I’m going to get slightly clingier than I am at the moment. I get really affectionate and needy, and I will most definitely hug you and hold your hand for extended periods.”

Taeil smiles a genuine smile.

“That actually sounds really nice.”

Taeil places both hands on Hyuck’s cheeks, cupping his face as he leans in. Their lips touch, sending a swarm of butterflies in Hyuck’s stomach. He leans towards Taeil as the kiss deepens, places a hand on Taeil’s nape. He can feel how fast his heartbeat is, just as fast as Hyuck’s.

He can’t go back from this.

Lee Donghyuck is most definitely, one hundred thousand percent, in love.

* * *

Hearing what Taeil has to say makes Hyuck realize exactly what’s going on, why his friends showed up, why they had to push Taeil to make a move. Everything makes sense now.

Hyuck knows that he’s not that type of guy, he doesn’t have a manipulative, nor a violent bone in his body. He does raise his voice sometimes, he knows that very well. He decides to work on it, for Taeil.

Taeil’s worth every change he could make, even though he doesn’t ask him to. He’ll do whatever it takes to be better for Taeil because Taeil already makes him feel like he’s good enough.

* * *

Hyuck knew the day would come, he just didn’t expect it to come so soon. Not because meeting the friends is something that’s supposed to happen later, more because he barely notices that almost two months have passed since he and Taeil went on their first date. The other reason he’s freaking out is because he’d never done this thing so officially. None of his exes had friend groups that were so close, and at the same time gave a shit to do this welcome, get to know us thing.

Taeil invites him for dinner with all of his friends, and he has so many friends. The thought of it overwhelms him. He knows some of them, but all of them at the same spot is too much for Hyuck to handle. Sure, he doesn’t know that it will be like that exactly because it’s hours away, but in his head it’s a bit nerve-wracking.

As much as he tries to be low-key about his freak out, he cannot exactly hide it from his best friend.

“You’re acting weird,” Renjun says to him. He follows Hyuck back to his office after Hyuck goes to get his fourth cup of tea for the day. He might be overdoing it, which gets Renjun on his case. He sets the mug on his desk, deciding to pace himself with it. The way he’s going so far, at some point the chamomile tea will lose its calming properties because he’s drunk so much, “What’s going on?”

“I’m meeting Taeil’s friends tonight.”

“You’ve met Taeil’s friends before,” Renjun says, slightly smug with his statement.

“Only half of them. I’m meeting the other half. All of them at the same spot. I need to make a good impression.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Renjun teases him. He sits down on the chair in Hyuck’s office, determined not to leave him alone. Hyuck would rather do paperwork than be teased by his best friend, “No one likes you immediately anyway.”

He can’t have that at this moment, though. He needs a vote of confidence here, not Renjun’s usual.

“Shut up,” he responds as playfully as he can.

“Being nervous about it won’t help you whatsoever.”

“You don’t get it.”

“I don’t. There’s obviously something you haven’t told me,” he notes. He’s correct. Hyuck hasn’t told him about Taeil’s past and he isn’t going to.

“Just trust me on this.”

Renjun pinches the bridge of his nose before he sighs at him.

“Are you in trouble?” he then asks, gesturing with an open palm towards Hyuck. Hyuck, on the other hand, can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“No, of course not. I’m not fucking stupid, Renjun.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he smiles, satisfied with his quip.

Renjun. That’s Hyuck’s support system. He’d rather be talking to his cup of tea about this right now. The tea would have better input.

“You know what’s going on?” he asks, allowing his growing frustration to seep out for a moment.

“I imagine you’ll tell me.”

“I fell in love at first sight.”

“No. Wow. What a surprise,” Renjun’s words are dripping with sarcasm. Gee. That’s exactly what Hyuck needed right now. Thank you Renjun.

“I need them to like me.”

“Try to need something more realistic. Don’t be yourself too much either.”

Hyuck is tempted to kick Renjun out of his office, but Renjun takes his cue before Hyuck can say anything. The interaction leaves Hyuck with more doubts than he started with, so he immediately finds himself going to the kitchen to ask Yuta-hyung for advice. When in doubt, go to your elders, right?

Thankfully Yuta-hyung, in the middle of piping the cupcakes, and without even giving Hyuck his full attention, has some good advice. Chenle who’s carving a specialty cake, and Jisung who’s eating the crumbs Chenle is removing also have pointers that are much more helpful than Renjun’s remarks. Hyuck is suddenly extremely glad he didn’t fire them.

* * *

If he’s honest, he is way out of his comfort zone. He’s sitting in the restaurant, Taeil on one side, and Sicheng-hyung on the other. Taeil’s hand is in his under the table, offering calming contact. To the most part Hyuck is observing. There are so many people here, he’s a bit overwhelmed, just like he expected. He’s also not used to not chipping in. He’s mostly smiling and speaking when he feels like it’s his place.

The formalities are actually enjoyable. He connects the names of Taeil’s friends to the faces, learns a few details about each of them. They ask about him. What he does, what he studied at university, and Hyuck gathers that they already know the answers, but they’re still nice enough to pretend that they don’t. He wants to be on his best behavior, not babbling too much. That was part of the advice everyone but Renjun gave him. Try not to talk too much, cause you’re also there to listen. Pay as close of attention as you can. Join into their conversations only if you have something to add to it. Follow their lead.

He seems to have someone beside Taeil on his side. Jaehyun-hyung purposefully includes him in the conversations, steering it towards him so that he doesn’t feel excluded. Thanks to the two of them he has a clear lead to follow.

“You’re really quiet today,” Taeil whispers to him at a moment of leeway.

“I want your friends to like me,” he whispers back, keeping the conversation quiet, only between them. He has a feeling that nerves don’t do well in this friend group, everyone is quite chill.

Taeil furrows his eyebrows, blinking at him a few times.

“They already do,” he tells him.

“What do you mean they already do?”

“I like you, that’s what matters most. Also, Ten thought highly of you before we even started dating. He doesn’t like it when people don’t agree with his opinion,” Taeil lets him know.

So he’s been nervous over nothing? Is that why Taeil’s been telling him not to worry all week, and not out of being nice or as an attempt to make him feel better about it. It’s actually true.

It can’t be.

“Are you serious? It’s that easy?”

“Ten has a great intuition. My friends might also trust his judgment a bit more than they should cause he was right about my ex,” Taeil seconds it with a shrug.

Hyuck wants to ask what Ten-hyung’s been saying about him, but it’s in that exact moment that the two remaining friends show up.

“Sorry we’re late. Traffic’s crazy,” one of them says. Hyuck knows the names of these people too, Taeil talks about his friends often. He just has yet to connect them with the faces.

“No, it wasn’t,” the other friend immediately protests.

“Fine, I couldn’t decide what to wear. But Mark was of no help.” That must be Jungwoo then.

“Mark has no sense of style. It’s better if he doesn’t help you,” Johnny-hyung says, earning chuckles from the group.

“Correct. But that’s not important,” the person Hyuck presumes is Jungwoo says when his eyes land on him. He walks around the table towards him and Taeil, “You must be Donghyuck!”

Hyuck stands up to greet him, using those manners that Yuta-hyung reminded him he had just hours prior. Taeil confirms his suspicions with the introductions.

“That’s Mark. This is Jungwoo.”

“The work husband,” Hyuck smiles, remembering the first time he learned about Jungwoo, “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Jungwoo smiles at him, accepting the hand-shake Hyuck offers. Jungwoo then taps Sicheng on the shoulder, “Sichengie, scoot over. I need to know everything about Illie’s boyfriend right now.”

Most of Taeil’s friends are out-going and all of them are pleasant to talk to. But Jungwoo-hyung especially. If it wasn’t for Taeil and Jaehyun-hyung including him, and Ten-hyung vouching for him, Hyuck would feel comfortable enough because of Jungwoo-hyung and how he’s not afraid to say everything that pops into his head. Hyuck witnesses it a few times over dinner. Jungwoo-hyung is his type of person.

* * *

When the dinner ends, a weight is lifted off Hyuck’s shoulders. The scariest part of his relationship with Taeil is over. He’s officially a part of the friend group. It’s easier for Taeil with that part of their relationship not only because Hyuck doesn’t have a lot of friends and Taeil has already met everyone, including Yuta-hyung, but also because Taeil is older than his friends. Hyuck is the youngest out of the people in Taeil’s life, which added a whole lot of the aforementioned weight that is now gone.

“I’d say that went well,” Hyuck says. They’re walking to his car, Taeil’s fingers intertwined around his and fitting perfectly. After their fourth date, when they first started holding hands Hyuck’s stomach was constantly threatening to explode. Now it feels like the most natural thing. It’s exactly what should be doing, their hands belong together.

“You were worried?” Taeil asks, disbelief evident in his facial expression.

“Were? I still kind of am.”

“There’s no reason for you to be worried, Hyuckie,” Taeil chuckles.

“I want them to know that I’m not like…” he stops himself. He didn’t want to admit to the fear that’s been bothering him for days now, because he doesn’t want to remind Taeil of it. The words unintentionally slipped through his lips.

It makes Taeil stop, his grip tightening slightly around Hyuck’s hand. Hyuck stops too, watches as Taeil walks in front of him. He looks him in the eye when he asks, “Is that what you’ve been stressing over?”

“Yes.”

“No one thinks that. I promise,” Taeil says to him before he touches his cheek. Hyuck becomes overly aware that they’re in public. He has yet to experience PDA with Taeil. “You’re cute. And you keep getting cuter.”

Taeil takes his hand away, the difference in temperature sending chills down Hyuck’s spine. He has to clear his throat to suppress the butterflies that are starting to climb up from his stomach. A simple compliment affects him so much.

“Taeil-ah, the more you compliment me, the more feelings I catch.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what I want,” Taeil says allowing his smile to grow wider.

“And then what?”

“Then you catch up to where I am, and we go onto the next step.”

“Trust me, you’re the one with catching up to do,” he returns, a bit smug about it.

Taeil doesn’t know yet. Taeil won’t know for a while. But Hyuck confessed hours prior, and in that moment, when he hears Taeil claim that he’s far ahead with his feelings, Hyuck’s love for him cements itself.

* * *

Everything is different with Taeil. Hyuck gets out of his comfort zone in so many ways because so much of what happens is at a pace that he isn’t used to. It’s going slower, without anyone getting into their head too much, with healthy discussions rather than impulsive decisions. He’s maturing because of it.

Thanks to Taeil he’s heard and understood. Never pushed away.

He’s good enough, working on being better. But he wants to be even better at the same time. He wants to make sure that he can be the person Taeil needs him to be, so he needs someone to help him understand exactly what that is.

All of that starts with him asking for advice from the one person in Taeil’s friend group that he knows has been on his side since the start. Ten-hyung’s advice is to connect him to Doyoung-hyung, and so Hyuck finds himself sitting across from Doyoung-hyung in his office at noon on a Tuesday. He tells Taeil about it, of course. Hyuck’s horrible at secrets, but at the same time this isn’t something that he wants to hide. ‘I’m gonna learn about panic attacks from Doyoung-hyung’ earns a smile from Taeil, then a kiss. Taeil appreciates his effort. Hyuck falls deeper because he’s being appreciated.

“What can I help you with?”

In the little time he’s known Doyoung-hyung he’s realized that with him it’s straight to the point. He adopts that attitude for the rest of the conversation.

“I want to know what I can do to help Taeil next time he has a panic attack or a flashback.”

Doyoung-hyung’s face shows confusion after he hears that, he tilts his head as he attempts to read him. Hyuck’s determined though.

“Huh. I thought you were going to ask about what happened.”

“If Taeil wants to tell me details, he will. I just want to know what to do in the future. I don’t want to be useless.”

“You handled his first panic attack better than I did, and I’m trained to help people during panic attacks,” Doyoung looks a bit annoyed when he says it, “You’re not useless. No one dares tell you that though, we don’t want to scare you away.”

“What do you mean?” Hyuck asks. The immediateness of his response prompts him to add, “I don’t scare easily.”

Doyoung-hyung still takes a few seconds to consider before he replies.

“Taeil’s more optimistic now. You being you, not reminding him of what happened makes him open up to the world again. There’s been eight of us trying for years, you came and did it in a few weeks.” Donghyuck can’t believe what he’s hearing, it’s the last thing he expected. He knew of the effect Taeil has on him and how he feels inspired to do better. He didn’t think about what kind of effect he might have on Taeil in return. The longer he processes it, the more annoyed the look on Doyoung-hyung’s face becomes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just having an epiphany.”

“Cool,” Doyoung says, obviously mocking him. He lets Hyuck deal with it for a few more moments as he stands up with a sigh and starts looking through the materials on and behind his desk. He starts making a pile on his desk as he speaks, “I’ll give you some materials, a few books about what you can do to help. But I know that you don’t bring things up with him, and remind him. It would be nice if you kept it that way. Stay a constant in his life,” Doyoung states. It makes sense. Hyuck can only imagine how often Taeil might think about what happened and how much it hurt it causes him. He won’t remind him of it, he doesn’t want to add any fuel to any fire, especially not the fire burning inside Taeil.

“I promise. I’m really not interested in his past. Just his future,” he says. Doyoung-hyung doesn’t look at him, he keeps adding leaflets and folders onto the pile, now even rearranging them. Not by size, the way Hyuck would arrange them. They’re in some order, but not in one that would be easy to carry. Hyuck gets excited to read them, excited to figure out how he can be of help. He wants to make sure that what he’s doing and what he will do will be the right thing. Maybe that’s why he finds himself asking. “I’m really helping?”

He realizes that’s a stupid move based on the look on Doyoung-hyung’s face and how he finally looks at Hyuck’s face.

“Since you’re new to this entire friend group, let me clear this up right now. I don’t do bullshit. For bullshit purposes and saying things to make others feel better, I offer you Taeyong,” Doyoung-hyung says, before he pushes the pile towards Hyuck, “Here’s where you start. From top to bottom, or we’re gonna have a problem.”

Hyuck leaves Doyoung’s office after being added to some really important email list, with the stack threatening to collapse at any given moment. He barely makes it to the car.

He starts reading as soon as he gets back to the bakery, the stack of materials earning its own designated spot. He makes a small dent in it quickly, he might be a bit too eager. He learns a lot about breathing exercises and ways to ground someone after they’ve had a flashback. He realizes he did some things right, just like Doyoung-hyung said. But he also has so much more to learn. He did good. He can do much better.

A week later he goes back to Doyoung-hyung’s office to return all the materials, having finished it, and to also receive an impromptu oral exam. He passes with flying colors.

* * *

Ever since he confessed to Renjun about his feelings and what happened the moment he saw Taeil, it’s been an itch that he’s had to ignore. The next step is to tell Taeil, but he has to time it right. Doing it too soon will freak anyone out, and so will saying it incorrectly. Hyuck has some light treading to do.

It takes him a total of three months since their first date to dare say it.

They’re sitting in Taeil’s living room, facing each other from the opposite sides of the couch, legs intertwined. They’re working, technically. Taeil’s going over a manuscript, Hyuck’s going over the bakery’s monthly expense report. Nothing’s out of the ordinary. But there is a feeling that Hyuck has. It tells him that it’s the right moment. He trusts his intuition with this one.

“Illie?”

“Yeah bub?” Taeil responds without looking up. That makes it easier for Hyuck.

“I fall in love quickly. Really easily. If the person I’m interested in gives me two minutes of attention, I’m gone. Sometimes even less.” Taeil finally looks at him then. He thinks about it, offers the beginning of a smile.

“I see what you’re trying to say.”

“But I’m loyal. Once you give me attention, I don’t want anyone else. That’s not what I’m…”

“Hyuckie, I get it,” Taeil interrupts him.

He looks into his eyes, hoping he’ll get to read through him, but he fails. He needs him to actually say it.

“You do?”

“I love you too,” Taeil tells him. He smiles and then adds, “You make me feel safe.”

That’s all Donghyuck wanted to do.

* * *

They get married a year and a half later.

Renjun gets angry because of it, but Hyuck insists that Chenle be his best man. On Taeil’s side it’s Ten-hyung. The two people that got them together.

They talk about the potential of having kids before they get engaged, realizing that they both find just the idea of having kids exhausting, they settle on raising animals instead.

Taeil asks him to move in a few months before the wedding, and they start filling it up with pets. Their first six pets are neon tetras in an aquarium in their living room. Then they get a dog. After they come back from their honeymoon, Hyuck surprises his husband with two male cats. It’s Taeil’s dream to coexist with cats. Hyuck gets two because after hours of research he finds out that one is a nuisance. Cats enjoy cat company.

Taeil moves up at his job. Hyuck opens two more bakeries in different parts of the city, both do better than he expects. They settle into a life together, putting together a happy little family.

Since his first date with Taeil, Hyuck has never, not even for a single moment, felt like he doesn’t belong. There are bad days and better days, and they have each other throughout. There’s nothing that they can’t do together.

He strives to make Taeil feel safe because Taeil makes him feel like the most important person in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading. i hope you liked it.  
> let me know what you thought of it.  
> stay safe everyone.  
> 👋  
> 
> 
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